


call me maybe

by totooru



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dirty Jokes, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Humor, Joke Flirting, M/M, Texting, like a lot of dick/sexual jokes, makki and mattsun do not know each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2017-10-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 11:03:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 33,689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7168451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/totooru/pseuds/totooru
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hanamaki texts the wrong number when trying to extort tips out of Oikawa in order to defeat Iwaizumi in arm wrestling, and then continues to text the witty stranger who had answered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [new phone who dis](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4974943) by [meruemsthighs](https://archiveofourown.org/users/meruemsthighs/pseuds/meruemsthighs). 



> alright so normal is makki  
> underlined is mattsun

(5:38) alright oikawa  
(5:38) i give  
(5:38) how do i beat iwaizumi at arm wrestling  
(5:38) what's the secret  
(5:39) that's not an implication that i believe u've ever beaten iwaizumi btw (iwaizumi > u) but i do know that u, as his childhood friend, have the dirt on him. so, as my friend, i trust that you will exploit his weaknesses to me

(5:41) have you tried throwing in the element of surprise?  
(5:42) examples include screaming, blowing in his face, or announcing your infatuation with him and/or his muscles

(5:44) holy shit oikawa u traitorous lil minx. that's genius. i love it. go. go take my keys and fuck my wife. u've earned it my guy

(5:46) thanks man  
(5:46) although I'm not Oikawa, if that changes anything

(5:47) oh sorry man new phone  
(5:47) n nah she's still all urs bud  
(5:48) but she's non-existent, if that changes anything  


(5:50) I'll take what I can get

(5:51) i'd give u iwaizumi  
(5:51) who's like ideal wife material  
(5:52) but he would be mad if i promised his chastity to a stranger + he'd probably kill me  
(5:53) no offense of course

(5:54) none taken my guy  
(5:55) besides, given your original text, I'm pretty sure the guy would kick you into next week if you did  
(5:55) and I don't wanna be responsible for that

(5:56) ouch  
(5:57) just u wait. i'm gonna beat iwaizumi. tomorrow. using ur tactics. thanks again man

(5:58) good luck  
(5:58) I believe in you

 

\---

 

(4:08) alright so  
(4:08) tried ur advice. sudden exclamation, cheeky flirting, blowing him

(4:08) lmao you gave him a bj whilst arm wrestling?  
(4:08) now that's a talent

(4:09) ayyy lmao  
(4:09) cheeky. i love it  


(4:10) I'm here all week  
(4:10) all month, all year  
(4:11) anyway. was my advice as successful as my comedy?

(4:12) flirting was a bust

(4:12) and here I thought the blowie was gonna be the bust  
(4:12) of a nut  
(4:12) that's an ejaculation joke hahaha. a classic  
(4:13) oh god wait you're not like 12 are you

(4:13) wtf no of course not  
(4:14) i'm 13 and a half  
(4:14) lol jk i'm 17 (an appropriate age for dick jokes. feel free to keep 'em cummin)

(4:15) wow  
(4:15) that was just terrible but really the worst part was that I actually laughed  
(4:15) but just so you kno I'm 18 so you gotta save me as senpai in your phone sorry those are the rules  
(4:15) anyway anyway, please go on with your "arm wrestling"

(4:16) are u still a third year tho? cos if so then ur no senpai of mine, comedian-kun  
(4:16) but yes, flirting and blowing did nothing to iwaizumi  
(4:17) and shouting just made me look silly. i am sorry. i have failed you

(4:17) fear not, loser-kun  
(4:17) for I still believe in you

(4:18) thanks, naruto  
(4:18) i won't let you down.......... naruto

(4:19) please... no..  .   
(4:19) it's Matsukawa Issei btw  


(4:19) Hanamaki Takahiro  
(4:20) a pleasure to meet u  
(4:20) lol blaze

(4:20) right back at you  
(4:21) in both the greeting and the marijuana reference

 

\---

 

(6:28) so how's the beating that guy in arm wrestling coming along?

(6:37) honestly i've been at this for about 3 years now  
(6:37) the second i laid eyes on the man  
(6:37) i knew  
(6:37) that one day...  
(6:38) i was gonna surpass his strength  
(6:38) but so far no good

(6:40) three years??  
(6:40) damn I would've caved + begged for advice after like 3 months

(6:42) i've always had faith in these guns o' mine  
(6:42) but i'm running out of time now  
(6:43) gotta leave my dear little iwaizumi with the memory of a crushing defeat

(6:45) how romantic  
(6:46) I daresay poetic  
(6:46) and speaking of poetry

(6:47) smooth transition

(6:47) do you have any understanding of the spider poem

(6:48) "the spider poem" let's not reduce the art that is Incy Wincy to such a lazy title

(6:48) yeah well jokes on you Hanamaki  
(6:49) I'm talking about Little Miss Muffet

(6:49) oh jeez thats embarrassing  
(6:49) nah this is the noiseless patient spider one right?

(6:50) ye

(6:54) well my consultant informs me that ur spider poem is about how the spider trying to form its web is the same to how the narrator's soul is exploring and trying to connect

(6:55) thanks  
(6:55) be sure to forward my gratitude to your consultant  
(6:56) and also to your wife and, of course, your mother

(6:57) jokes on you  
(6:57) they're all the same person

(6:58) I'm starting to get the feeling that you have no friends other than the arm man  
(6:58) since it appears he is your wife, rival, and now apparently your mother and adviser

(6:58) ouch  
(6:58) but i'll have u know i have arm man AND his lover leg man (who was actually my consultant)  
(6:59) and also i have u now. we're friends. we're besties. love u boo

(7:00) oh but Hanamaki... what about your wife....

(7:00) she left me..  
(7:00) said she wanted a real man...

(7:02) wow..  
(7:02) no wonder she's with me now...

(7:03) now that's just rude  
(7:03) ur supposed to comfort me at such trying times, u kno

(7:04) yes yes  
(7:04) I'm sorry your wife failed to see just how much of a handsome, manly, strong cream puff you really are

(7:05) wow... u smooth talker....  
(7:05) bonus points bcos creampuffs are delicious and perfect in every single way i love them  
(7:06) wait a minute are u implying that i'm filled with cream? that's disgusting matsukawa. i'm going to have to go pray now

(7:07) suppress the homosexuality  
(7:07) go arm wrestle someone  
(7:07) wait no you'll end up blowing them

(7:08) u dont even know if i'm a guy or gal. maybe i need to suppress the heterosexuality  
(7:08) i'm a guy btw. in case u were wondering. like. idk just giving my bff some personal details about myself don't mind me

(7:08) ngl I was curious and in case you were also curious I will take this text to confirm that same  
(7:09) but anyway if you're gonna give details then ;) what are you wearing

(7:09) oh babe ;) but 7pm is a bit early don't you think

(7:10) time isn't real ;)

(7:11) ain't that the truth  
(7:11) and because it isn't, i'm gonna take a nap

(7:14) sweet dreams, princess

 

\---

 

(3:14) guess who's third wheeling

(3:16) have you tried pretending they're your parents  
(3:16) just keep calling them mom and dad

(3:17) i dont think they know it's a date

(3:17) probably because you're there

(3:17) since they don't know they're fuckigng gay for each other  
(3:18) im just sat here whilst they act like an old married couple  
(3:18) also it's not rly a date since we're at mcdonalds

(3:19) I'd take someone on a date to mcdonalds  
(3:19) call in, make a reservation, it'd be romantic

(3:20) go up to the counter like "ah yes, what does the chef recommend?"

(3:20) throw a scene to spice things up

(3:21) is that an implication that mcdonalds lacks spices? how sly

(3:21) you tell me  
(3:21) you're the one currently crashing a mcdonalds date  
(3:21) a mcdate, if you will

(3:23) im stealing oikawa's fries and he's whining about it to iwaizumi  
(3:23) ok to give u a visual oikawa is 6ft and calls himself pretty boy  
(3:23) iwaizumi is like 5 10 but looks smaller bcos of his man child companion but also he's pretty buff  
(3:24) and then there's me. the hot one.  
(3:24) it's a weird scene but i pull it back

(3:26) sounds like you guys need a script

(3:26) you willin to provide one?

(3:26) here's a prompt: Oikawa and Iwaizumi are going through some trying times and you're just adding fuel to the fire because you're in love with one of them

(3:31) alright so i walked them through the plot  
(3:31) iwaizumi said no. oikawa gave you a nickname

(3:32) I feel included

(3:32) i'm glad you do, mattsun

(3:33) wow

(3:34) if it's any consolation he has nicknames for everyone

(3:34) damn  
(3:34) and here I thought I was special  
(3:35) what's yours tho

(3:35) makki

(3:35) lmao

(3:35) altho iwa-chan has been suffering for much longer than i have

(3:36) Iwa-chan  
(3:36) I love it  
(3:36) does anyone have a nickname for Oikawa?

(3:37) iwaizumi calls him stuff like shittykawa, crappykawa, assikawa, trashykawa  
(3:37) whereas i call him daddy

(3:38) when you arm wrestle w/ Iwa-chan is it for Oikawa's hand?

(3:39) if only it were. i'd gladly lose

(3:39) cos it sounds to me like Iwaizumi is playing hard to get  
(3:39) a tsundere?

(3:40) nah oikawa's just hard to want  
(3:42) he just read that over my shoulder and now he's complaining again  
(3:42) iwaizumi said i had a point and now oikawas pouting so he's resolving things by telling oikawa to just steal my food  
(3:42) whipped :/

(3:45) perks of marriage: tag team the lil guy  
(4:02) ok at this point I'm a little worried  
(4:02) tag team extreme: they both beat you at arm wrestling and now you've been left to cry alone at mcdonalds?

(4:05) ok firstly oikawa is not a threat i could easily beat him in arm wrestling  
(4:05) and secondly, fret not my dearest mattsun  
(4:06) for i was simply leaving mcdonalds to sit in the much more pleasant area of the shitty park near that really cheap random stuff store

(4:08) I get birthday presents from that store  
(4:08) I mean if it's the same shitty park and store I'm thinking of that is  
(4:08) there's that really tall cashier with the bedhead right?  
(4:08) but anyway one time they were selling minion perfume and a Shrek necklace  
(4:09) my friend was not impressed with my thoughtful and unique gift

(4:10) holy shit i want a shreklace  
(4:10) n yea bedhead boy wow we've been in the same store before how romantic

(4:11) to confirm our romance we could get matching shreklaces

(4:11) yeah  
(4:12) like how when people meet up on blind dates and are like "im the one with the red rose"  
(4:12) our identifior would be shrek  
(4:12) maybe shrek will be our red rose

(4:13) that's so romantic

(4:13) it's what shrek would want

 

\---

 

(4:20) blaze it

(4:20) blaz  
(4:21) fuck

(4:21) rekt lol

 

\---

 

(10:49) what do you do ?

(11:03) I have a few responses to that question so I'm just gonna say them all  
(11:03) 1. your mum  
(11:03) 2. I believe the question is "'how' do you do?" really Hanamaki being formal just isn't your expertise is it  
(11:03) 3\. or is this like friendship sexting  
(11:04) 4. look fine and get mad puss  
(11:04) 5\. disappoint in bed  
(11:04) 6\. disappoint in general, really

(11:21) well here i was trying to get to know u a bit better  
(11:21) seeing as u know that im buff and on my way to becoming the all time arm wrestling champ  
(11:23) so i just wanted to know more about u so when i'm interviewed about my success, i could easily talk about how i got some advice from matsukawa, a man who apparently looks fine and gets mad puss, but disappoints in bed + in general  
(11:23) but no. just call my attempt of conversation "friendship sexting." u wound me

(11:25) yea yea sorry, I just couldn't resist  
(11:27) I play volleyball, hang out with friends, school, swim  
(11:28) sometimes I just stay in bed all day but hey don't we all

(11:28) oh hey cool what position

(11:29) sorry but 11am is far too early for sexting, Hanamaki

(11:30) i believe we've already established that sexting cannot be confined to the social construct of time ;)  
(11:31) but no in volleyball what position do u play

(11:33) I'm a middle blocker  
(11:33) do you play?

(11:35) yea im a wing spiker  
(11:35) oikawa + iwaizumi play too setter and wing spiker (ace tho)

(11:36) oh hey funnily enough my setter and wing spiker are blatantly in love with each other too

(11:39) do they make u awkwardly tag along on their dates too  


(11:40) sometimes  
(11:40) but they also drag another guy who's really quiet so it's always like a terrible double date  
(11:40) yet at the same time it's also kinda like Asahi and I are their kids and they're taking us out for an awkward family dinner

(11:43) oh man  
(11:43) i feel you

(11:44) Makki, please...  
(11:44) save the sexting for after 9pm...

(11:45) i cant help it mattsun  
(11:45) you're just too sexy


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Makki and Mattsun click and so text each other kinda frequently.  
> Meanwhile, Makki runs into a really hot guy at the store, and so enlightens his text buddy with this information. In response, he hears of how this friend had a similar experience. Wacky.

(3:27) holy shit wait a minute  
(3:27) you're on Oikawa's team  
(3:27) as in, Oikawa Tooru?  
(3:28) Suga + Daichi know him  
(3:28) I know of him  
(3:28) his nickname for me is suddenly a lot more important now  
(3:28) hly shit  
(3:29) I cant believe this I'm going to bed

 

\---

 

(10:02) well i hope that revelation didn't keep you up all night  
(10:02) or did u just wake up with the sudden thought of "holy shit i might indirectly kno the satan setter"  
(10:13) btw i asked oikawa and he calls suga "mr refreshing"  
(10:15) but anyway yea it seems ur team is familiar with my team  
(10:15) so looks like we might be kicking ur ass soon enough

(10:54) you will be doing no such thing to my ass  
(10:54) especially not as a group

(10:55) ur ass is grass my friend

(10:55) oh yea??  
(10:56) well your ass is crass

(10:58) i'll have u know that my ass is incredibly well educated

(10:58) your ass is crass  
(10:59) it's been skippin class  
(10:59) gainin' mass, sat on the grass  
(11:00) you and I know that you're comin last

(11:08) and u needed my help for poetry

(11:13) I'm not about wishy washy nonsense  
(11:13) that work of art right there?  
(11:14) the message is clear. you don't need to read too much into it

(11:17) ah but the message is wrong, mattsun

(11:17) but who's to say what's right and what's wrong in this mad world  
(11:18) although, one thing that's universally acknowledged as right is those fine eyes of yours

(11:20) oh darling you make me swoon  
(11:20) because ur so sweet to me, shall we ever i compete i promise to be gentle crushing ur entire team <3

(11:22) try beating iwa-chan at arm wrestling first, love

(11:23) now that's just cruel  
(11:23) u said u believed in me mattsun  
(11:24) was that a lie? have you been lying to me this entire time???

(11:25) I may have lied about supporting you  
(11:25) but just know that every time I've told you I love you has been true

(11:26) u've NEVER told me u loved me u heartless bastard

(11:26) well fuck

(11:30) i'm going to run off with bedhead boy from home bargains  
(11:30) now THERE'S a man who i can love  
(11:31) i spoke to him for a bit the other day. u kno idle chatter. hes fun and i support him

(11:32) you're into the tall, messy black hair types? ;)

(11:33) i'm more about the bants  
(11:33) or are you implying that you look like cashier kuroo  
(11:34) or maybe... you ARE cashier kuroo... again with the lies.. now i have no one to run away with i'm gonna have to go crawl back to my wife

(11:38) oh believe me your wife doesn't want you anymore  
(11:39) after being with me, she just can't return to someone who loses arm wrestling contests

(11:41) why must you always target my most delicate weakness  
(11:41) honestly mattsun i am sensitive u know

(11:43) sorry babe love you babe  
(11:43) I am rooting for you  
(11:43) I've put money on it thats how much I believe in you

(11:46) that's the sweetest thing anyones ever said to me

(11:47) so the wedding's still on?

(11:48) absolutely  
(11:48) but now ive gotta go break cashier kuroo's heart

(11:50) be gentle. he works at home bargains so I'm sure your love was the best thing he had going for him  
(11:50) but also I'm thinking of stealing him away because damn the way he bags bottles really does it for me

(11:57) how dare you  
(11:57) when i get back home you and i are sitting down and talking out all these problems  
(11:57) ya saucy little minx

 

\---

 

(2:01) just had a pleasant time with your love interest  
(2:01) _Attached image._

(2:09) u take that slender hand off my man  
(2:10) a nice hand. but it is where it shouldn't be and you need to sort that out  
(2:10) also i notice u dont accessorise. this is character development mattsun

(2:15) he and I are in love and you can't stop us  
(2:15) my hand will wander and it's gonna be great

(2:16) ur hands are gonna join together for prayer young man  
(2:16) immediately  
(2:17) oikawa already sees u as his own son and now he is weeping at ur impurity

(2:20) no offense but Oikawa goes on dates to mcdonalds  
(2:20) and he even brings you along  
(2:20) whilst Kuroo, the sweetheart, gave me some gum  
(2:21) evidentally things are getting serious

(2:21) what the hell  
(2:22) when i went to him 2 hours ago he didnt give me gum

(2:24) that's because he doesn't love you  
(2:24) he did tell me about this really weird guy who kept trying to kiss him tho

(2:25) well he could've been talking about anyone mattsun  
(2:25) and i didnt want to kiss him i just wanted to hold his hand  
(2:26) i'm not that easy

(2:27) you're right he does have many admirers

(2:27) and rightfully so

(2:28) but as his friend I must ward off anyone who's undeserving

(2:28) wait u know cashier kuroo ???

(2:30) listen  
(2:30) you know Oikawa Tooru  
(2:31) I can know cashier Kuroo

(2:33) matsukawa confirmed hots for cashier kuroo ?  
(2:34) i can tell him if ur too nervous  
(2:34) is kuroo the one who tags along on the awkward double dates

(2:36) nah that's Asahi  
(2:36) Kuroo's got a squad of his own  
(2:37) I think there's only one parent in that squad tho  
(2:37) a single dad with three children  
(2:37) Daichi + Suga are very lucky that Asahi + I are easily to handle

(2:40) i strongly believe u are the problem child

(2:42) well I'm going to be having some words with Oikawa + Iwa-chan  
(2:42) maybe give them some parenting tips  
(2:43) since it would appear that no one taught you any manners

(2:45) hey dont u talk about my parents like that  
(2:45) they were busying in raising the perfect volleyball team

(2:46) I don't wanna receive such digs from someone who begged for tips in defeating someone at arm wrestling

(2:48) alright but  
(2:48) should you ever meet iwaizumi  
(2:49) u would also feel inclined to arm wrestle him at least once

(2:50) I try not to fight battles I know I won't win

(2:51) and yet u've signed up for volleyball where there may come a day u face off against me?  
(2:51) oh you sweet fool

(2:51) also  
(2:52) I think I'm gonna wait for you to beat him first  
(2:52) so then when I beat you it'd be a double victory  
(2:52) but ofc you might never beat him so

(2:53) you traitorous bastard  
(2:53) the wedding's off fuck u  
(2:54) _Attached image._

(2:56) what lovely hands  
(2:57) it's a shame you're using them to give such a vulgar gesture to your beautiful carpet

(2:58) don't u get cheeky with me  
(2:59) i'll use these lovely hands and slap u

(3:07) I think you and I both have other plans for those lovely hands ;)

(3:08) yeah ;)  
(3:08) prayer.

 

\---

 

(7:30) i ended up on a double date  
(7:30) except i wasn't the one with a date  
(7:30) i was not one of the couples. i was a fifth wheel  
(7:31) the other couple consisted of ur team mates

(8:02) lmao what happened  
(8:02) Suga and Daichi right?

(8:28) correct  
(8:28) i was out with iwaizumi + oikawa  
(8:28) and we ran into them  
(8:29) formed a group

(8:29) fought against evil?

(8:30) yeah we ganged up on oikawa  
(8:30) found out about that one time you and sugawara filled the entire changing room with plastic cups of water

(8:31) all me baby  
(8:32) Suga was my accomplice and lookout  
(8:32) but I was the one who spent forever delicately placing the cups  
(8:32) his idea had also been more tame  
(8:33) Suga proposed putting sticky notes everywhere but I suggested cups of water instead

(8:34) genius  
(8:34) you know i think i love u a little bit

(8:37) I can't blame you  
(8:37) I'm tall, funny, and handsome  
(8:38) the ultimate catch, really

(8:39) heard u dont suit ur uniform tho

(8:40) alright well fuck you too  
(8:40) and here I thought you loved me? you're cruel, Makki  
(8:41) that is a delicate subject and frankly you don't even know the half of it how very dare you

(8:43) im sorry babe im sure u look gorgeous always  
(8:43) altho every time u ever try n joke about how i have yet to defeat iwaizumi then i will definitely bring this up again

(8:45) ur kinda sexy when you're intimidating like this

(8:46) gotta wait another 15 minutes love  
(8:46) no sexting before 9, after all

 

\---

 

(4:30) just became formally introduced to cashier kuroo  
(4:30) apparently he knows oikawa  
(4:30) so anyway u and i now have mutual friends  
(4:31) i mean, kuroo is a lovely addition to my collection of mutual friends  
(4:31) the others include sugawara, daichi and, of course, ur mother

(4:32) suga would agree with me on this statement:  
(4:32) suga is my mother  
(4:33) so your pool is rather limited

(4:35) well unfortunately for you oikawa probably considers u his friend  
(4:35) u have a nickname and he asks about u sometimes  
(4:36) so he's in the pool too

(4:37) well why don't we just throw Iwaizumi in there too  
(4:37) or are we gonna need some arm strength for that

(4:38) listen  
(4:38) u and me. we dont have to shit talk each other  
(4:39) we could join forces. tag team shit talk other people  
(4:39) we have it bad enough already with the married couples and their dates and occasional tag team lecturing

(4:41) sure thing noodle arms

(4:42) wow.  
(4:42) for someone who doesn't suit his uniform, u sure are harsh on my beautiful arms

(4:45) alright  
(4:46) noodle arms was too far and I will accept that callous comment of yours with grace because I (to an extent) deserved it

(4:50) damn right you did, eyebrows  
(4:50) yeah. suga gave me a summary of your appearance

(4:51) was his summary just "eyebrows"  


(4:53) nah  
(4:53) apparently ur also "around oikawa's height, maybe a little taller"  


(4:54) does that make me taller than you btw?  


(4:54) well i'm also a little taller than oikawa  
(4:55) but only by half a cm maybe  
(4:55) so make of that what you will

(4:56) I see  
(4:56) so when I buy our matching Shrek sweaters I'll need to buy the tiny little baby version for you?

(4:47) get fucked, mattsun

 

\---

 

The following Saturday, when Hanamaki finds that there's no bread at home, he takes the situation as a sign that the universe wants him to visit Kuroo. Since the cashier is well acquainted with Matsukawa, Takahiro might be able to dig up some more dirt, since Issei might now try and bring height into their repartee.

The walk there is uneventful. That is, until Hanamaki is about to pass through the door of the store. He collides with someone else who seems to be ready to enter the store, and, after looking up to see the (handsome) face of the slightly taller man, Hanamaki attempts to apologise with a delayed, "thank you."

He gets a smile and slight laugh in response, but that does nothing to mask his embarrassment. Another possible love interest lost to Hanamaki's awkward socialization skills. Or perhaps gained? After all, it's possible that Tall-And-Handsome has come to the store in order to pick up some cheap strawberries.

Damn. If only Iwaizumi had been around to hear that, he'd have laughed. That's one for the grandchildren, definitely.

With a slight smile due to his own amusing thought process, Hanamaki trails after the amused stranger and into the store. Kuroo is sat at his post, the store as devastatingly empty as always, and shoots a glance over to the two customers. Upon seeing them, his eyebrows raise momentarily, before his expression settles on a smirk. Hanamaki offers a wave, whilst the taller of the two shoots finger guns back at the cashier.

Hanamaki then goes on to purchase his bread, however he also picks up some cheap tweezers that will be used to mock his text buddy. He catches sight of the only other customer in the store and casts a final glance to admire the messy black hair and thick eyebrows. After a brief internal debate, Hanamaki quickly reaches the conclusion that the best follow up to his initial introduction to the stranger would _not_ be slapping a bow on the tweezers and handing them over.

Instead, Hanamaki leaves the store with his bread and tweezers, but without the number of the random guy he had bumped into. Perhaps it's for the best, although it most certainly leaves a lingering sense of sadness as Hanamaki reaches the conclusion that it's unlikely he will run into that person again. And even if he does, the guy might just burst out laughing as he remembers how Hanamaki had reacted the first time.

Well, at least he made a lasting impression, Hanamaki thinks to himself. It's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Besides, this experience will probably be useful in getting Iwaizumi and Oikawa to hurry the fuck up.

 

\---

 

(5:57) alright oikawa  
(5:57) i give u a lot of shit but  
(5:58) i understand now.  
(5:58) i've fallen in love, oikawa. it's beautiful. i don't think i've ever wanted a bang a guy this badly

(6:04) as sweet as that is  
(6:04) I must once again tell you that I am not Oikawa

(6:12) well fuck  
(6:12) but i guess ur alright to know too  
(6:13) just don't get jealous babe it's not his fault that he's so handsome

(6:15) It'll take some time for me to heal this heart you've broken, Makki  
(6:15) but I'm with ya. I ran into a very attractive and very amusing guy today  
(6:16) I mean I didn't get his number or anything but he definitely stole my heart  
(6:16) his pink hair just really did it for me

(6:17) he could be ur lil strawberry

(6:18) strawbaerry

(6:18) wow  
(6:19) that was awful and frankly i am disgusted

(6:20) well at least I have the intention to take the guy I ran into to dinner  
(6:20) you just jumped straight to banging

(6:23) i dont need to take him to dinner  
(6:24) the second i saw him pick up the shrek jewellry  
(6:24) i knew  
(6:25) it was meant to be

(6:28) ok but with that information  
(6:28) there's like a 90% chance that the person you saw was me

(6:29) oh sweet mattsun  
(6:30) i get it, youre in love with me. but its time to move on babe. go after ur own strawberry for this one already has a farmer of his own

(6:31) that's kinda kinky

(6:32) mattsun. please.  
(6:32) dont make light of my love. its digusting

(6:35) hey  
(6:36) I'm not the one with a farmer fetish

(6:40) _Attached image._  
(6:41) u know wat i was gonna be the bigger man and not make a joke about ur eyebrows  
(6:41) but u forced my hand, mattsun.  
(6:42) so i think it's about time that u forced ur hand to do some plucking

(6:42) fuk u

(6:43) <3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like it's really obvious that this fic is written by a British person who is currently loving British tv  
> but at the same time I do think that british humour does kinda suit makki and mattsun ??? like if u've seen big fat quiz of the year (and i have been watching a lot of that recently) you might kinda see it idk whatever
> 
> but also yes this is a "they know each other but they don't know they know (or whatever)" fic  
> and also my makki and mattsun are really weird??? im sorry i really am


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "alright but at this rate its gonna take u 3 months to get his number" oh makki

(8:01) what's your favourite colour?

(8:48) is this friendship sexting?

(8:50) more commonly known as texting, yes  
(8:51) I was asked to pick up some clothes for my brother  
(8:51) figured I might as well treat you to something else too  
(8:52) you're his size, right? 6-8 years?

(8:55) ur making a very powerful enemy here, mattsun

(8:56) not that powerful  
(8:56) clearly  
(8:57) your arm wrestling history is against you there

(9:00) ur such an ass

(9:01) well if you had just answered the question then I wouldn't have brought up your failures

(9:03) oh well now im definitely not answering the question  
(9:03) bitch  
(9:04) anyway white captures my purity so i like white but also blue is good and then there's my hair my hair which is pink and since its actually a part of me i mean i guess it's gotta be my fave then

(9:05) thank you  
(9:06) and your favourite shape?

(9:08) triangle  
(9:08) definitely  
(9:08) specifically right angle but i can settle for isocles  
(9:09) but what is ur fave shape + colour babe

(9:10) shrek green + also triangle

(9:10) illuminati?

(9:11) confirmed

(9:11) lmao

(9:13) lmao

 

\---

 

(2:21) by the way  
(2:22) what other facial features do u have  
(2:22) bcos im just imagining a pair of eyebrows with a flip phone

(2:25) you wake me up just to objectify me like this?  
(2:25) disgusting  
(2:25) what's worse is you expect me to be using a flip phone  
(2:26) tell you what, ask this again when its not 2am. I know I said no sexting before 9 but there's also no sexting after 10

(2:30) that's a shit time limit

(2:31) you know what you need to do?

(2:32) negotiate?

(2:32) get over it  
(2:33) goodnight, Makki

(2:35) sweet dreams  
(2:35) ......bitch

 

\---

 

Slightly peckish and without anything sweet in his house, Hanamaki decides that this could be the perfect opportunity to possible run into the handsome stranger at the store which Kuroo works in. If not, then it's also possible that Kuroo knows him, since everyone who ever goes there usually does. Otherwise, they'd probably shop at better stores.

When Hanamaki arrives, he doesn't collide with anyone, but he does notice a white haired man talking to Kuroo at the counter. He seems to mistake Hanamaki's greeting to Kuroo as a greeting to himself, and returns the wave with a confused expression whilst Kuroo snorts. As Makki continues to peruse the aisles, he's oblivious to the giddy exchange between Weird Hair and his friend. Hanamaki's movements are slow, as he hopes that if he lingers long enough, he might just encounter the stranger from the other day.

Is he acting desperate? Well, whatever. At least he's not Oikawa.

He exhales through his nose in amusement at his own little joke, wandering through the empty store in search of something worth purchasing. In the midst of his selection of snacks, Kuroo, ever the professional, calls out to Makki and gestures for the customer to join the two men at the counter. Seeing as Makki is in no rush, he does so.

"Hey, Hanamaki, have you met Bokuto?" Kuroo introduces his weird haired companion, who beams widely as he waves. Hanamaki returns the greeting with own more relaxed one, lifting his hand for a lazy wave. "This is the guy who Matsukawa has been texting so frequently," Kuroo adds, prompting a gasp from Bokuto.

"You two know Mattsun?" Both of the boys snort at the nickname and Hanamaki tells them, "Oikawa came up with it."

"We've ran into him a couple of times. I'm friends with Daichi, Bokuto's friends with me, Mattsun's sometimes with Daichi and Sugawara. Also, he comes here quite a bit, as well. Probably because I'm his favourite cashier, to be honest."

"I think he's just after all your Shrek merchandise, actually," Hanamaki gestures to the aisle (which he is incredibly familiar with) that is stocked with Shrek goods, and Kuroo purses his lips, "I'm afraid you can't out do Shrek, Kuroo."

"Oh, Hanamaki, you wouldn't believe just how often I've heard that one."

"Shrek's quite the catch, my friend."

"God, you and Mattsun are perfect for each other." Kuroo's words are soft and more to himself, but Bokuto nods in agreement before asking if Makki has been formally introduced to the guy he's been texting.

"I mean, I'm sure I'm going to run into him eventually. Mutual friends and all."

"Do you even know what he looks like?"

"I believe he has eyebrows?"

"Well, yeah. Anything else?"

"The fact that he texts me and plays volleyball puts me under the impression that he has at least one hand. Although, I do recall the time he sent me a photo of his hand on your chest, so I'm going to retract my previous statement and replace it: I believe he definitely has one hand, with a possible second one that could've taken that photo."

Kuroo and Bokuto exchange an exasperated expression at Hanamaki's response, both silently agreeing that the Matsukawa and Hanamaki duo would simultaneously be the best and worst thing ever. Definitely two to be invited to a party, but casual hang outs might be a bit much.

Kuroo makes the realisation that, should he ever hang out with Matsukawa and Hanamaki when they're both together, he might understand how Akaashi feels when with himself and Bokuto.

"By the way, Kuroo, who was that guy who came in a while back?" Hanamaki asks, smoothly easing the topic of conversation into one that could aid him in getting laid. An expression of confusion briefly crosses across the cashier's face, before being replaced by a much more amused one.

"You know, Hanamaki, this store isn't that unsuccessful that every customer who comes here is just a friend of mine trying to support me."

"You don't know him, then?"

"Oh, I do. I just call him Eyebrows, though, since he answers to it and all. I don't even think I know his real name."

"Aren't you talking about-" Bokuto comments, but is swiftly stopped when Kuroo's elbow meets his stomach, "oh? Oh. Oh!" Within just a few seconds, Bokuto displays a large range of emotions, starting with hurt and confusion over Kuroo's attack but then reaching amusement and understanding as he displays a goofy grin whilst looking back and forth at Kuroo and Hanamaki.

"Hey, can we give you a nickname, too?" Kuroo proposes and Bokuto nods enthusiastically, "I mean, in case any of my customers ask about you. I should keep your identity a mystery, after all. What d'ya say..." He trails off, pursing his lips in thought and tapping his chin. Kuroo glances over to Bokuto, who looks even more in thought, as he conjures up the nickname, "...Macaron?"

Bokuto, wearing an expression of complete and utter disgust, turns and stares at Kuroo, who lazily points out 'Maki' can lead to the 'Maca' part, and also you can get pink macarons, like Hanamaki's hair. Hanamaki simply shrugs.

"I'll take it. Do you sell them? I am here on business, after all."

"You're not going to steal my heart with that attitude, you know."

"I was only pursuing you in hopes of free gum. But I'm a changed man, Kuroo. I'm here for bread and the heart of a certain walking pair of eyebrows."

"Have you told Oikawa? I'm sure he'll be so proud of you. Although, Eyebrows is going to need to ask permission off Oikawa and Iwaizumi in order for the two of you to date."

"I don't think Oikawa and Iwaizumi have properly adopted me, you know," Hanamaki ponders, "I do call them my parents, but it's more like I'm just a weird uncle for the team. Kyoutani is definitely their son, but me? I'd have to sit them down and talk about it, really."

"When they finally get together, they'll definitely become your parents. Trust me."

"Yeah! Me and Akaashi are everyone's parents! I'm a really fun dad, whilst Akaashi is a strict mom, but if any of our kids wanted to date, they'd definitely have to sit down with us! No matter what age!"

"Who's a strict mother, Bokuto?" A new voice says and Bokuto dashes over to the source. Hanamaki and Kuroo observe in silence as the taller sweeps the guy at the entrance off his feet in a hug, spinning him around whilst he just accepts it, his face showing how he has long since given up on asking Bokuto to put him down. Hanamaki then turns to Kuroo, silently asking who this new arrival is, to which Kuroo announces that he is the aforementioned Akaashi.

"Well, I'd hate to ruin the budding romance, so I'm going to buy my Quavers and bounce."

"I'm not serving you if you get Quavers. Gross."

"This is terrible service, I want to speak to the manager."

"Lucky for you, I think he just came in."

Hanamaki turns his head back towards the entrance. Akaashi now has both his feet on the ground, but Bokuto's holding onto his shoulders, and they've moved aside for the guy who's just entered. As soon as Makki lays eyes upon Eyebrows, he turns back to Kuroo and states, "that man is far too young to be your manager. How dare you try and make a mockery of me, sir."

"Alright, fine. Go get your Quavers and go home, Macaron."

Kuroo then waves at Eyebrows, and Hanamaki notices how Bokuto's amused expression has returned. Not bothering to think too much about it, Makki makes a comment about how he was only joking about getting Quavers, because he knows he deserves better than that, before returning to the aisle of cheap sweets and chocolate.

"Just out of curiosity," Hanamaki glances to his side, where the guy he had ran into a while back stands, "Bokuto referred to you as 'macaron' so I'm wondering, how did he reach that nickname?"

"I guess it isn't as obvious as 'eyebrows,'" Hanamaki shoots a lazy grin, and receives one from the taller man, "I think they said something about my hair being pink, macarons being pink. It's a shame they didn't try and come up with something about how I lack eyebrows. We could've matched."

"And here I thought it was because of how sweet you are," Eyebrows quips, winking when Hanamaki returns to the selection of food in an attempt to hide his genuine smile and blush, "I think we could negotiate with Kuroo about better nicknames. Although, I think I'd much rather know your actual name."

Hanamaki prepares to introduce himself, but is unfortunately cut off with Kuroo making the announcement, "Macaron! Your mother is here! A mother here to pick up her son! Lost 6 foot son, answers to Macaron, his mother is here to take him to lunch with the family or something."

"I'm not his mother, shit bag." The familiar voice of Iwaizumi can be heard from where Makki is stood. Aw, shit. There's either been a fight or Iwaizumi has realised his big gay feelings for his best friend.

"Looking for new mother for Macaron, recently disowned!"

"How do you even have this job?"

"Hey, Home Bargains is lucky to have Kuroo!" Bokuto interjects, and Hanamaki decides that now is the time to say his farewell to Eyebrows.

"I believe that will have to wait for our third encounter," he says, "now, do you have any recommendations? I'm leaning towards Pringles and kitkats, but I'm always up for new things." His acquaintance picks up a box with a panda on it and then crisps with a picture of a bear, with the promise of how such a combination can never go wrong.

"See ya later, you crazy kids! Bring your husband next time, Wazzy!"

"Try not to get fired, Kuroo."

 

\---

 

(5:58) tfw ur vball mom cockblocks u

(6:32) lmao  
(6:32) get rekt, Makki

(6:41) fuck u  
(6:41) it was w the hot guy from a while back  
(6:42) bow down mattsun for i have pulled

(6:45) oh hey I'm also saw the guy I ran into a while back today  
(6:45) almost got his name  
(6:46) but he had to bounce before he could make any proper introductions  
(6:46) hey though there's always next time

(6:47) alright but at this rate its gonna take u 3 months to get his number

(6:50) you're one to talk  
(6:50) Iwa-chan cock blocks u

(6:51) go trim ur eyebrows

(6:52) grow taller

(6:52) suck a dick mattsun

(6:53) believe me man I'm trying

(6:55) disgusting. absolutely disgusting.  
(6:55) my relationship is entirely pure and innocent  
(6:56) look he recommended some snacks im pretty sure thats like at least 0.5 base if not 0.8  
(6:56) _Attached image._

(7:00) Makki  
(7:00) dearest  
(7:01) I have a feeling we might have ran into each other at one point  
(7:02) but before I elaborate  
(7:02) I'm gonna go kick Kuroo's ass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly at this point i'm writing as an excuse to not revise so excuse how shoddy this entire fic is  
> also the nickname macaron is stupid but i just. i need something to hide their identities i didnt think this through  
> and finally idk if this is moving too fast but hey who knows maybe this step forward will result with two steps back anything can happen  
> i hope you enjoyed this chapter!!! thank you for all the comments and kudos !!!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this is slowly exiting text fic format, so sorry about that. anyway, matsukawa's brother! he is called takaya.  
> ok this chapter isn't even 2000 words i'm sorry i'll try and do better in the next one

(8:47) I'm at Kuroo's  
(8:47) and I'm gonna document this moment

(8:48) im kinda confused but alright  
(8:48) go easy on him the guy works at home bargains

(8:48) the guy's a jackass  
(8:49) who thinks he's funny

(8:49) damn mattsun  
(8:50) ur kinda sexy when ur pissed off like this babe

(8:52) _Attached image._  
(8:52)  me + Kuroo before I beat his ass  
(8:53) also feel free to get over here and join in btw

(8:53) holy shit.  
(8:53) holy fucking shit oh my fucking  
(8:54) im on my way  
(8:55) ... whats the address

 

\---

 

Of course, neither Makki nor Mattsun have any intention of physically fighting Kuroo. In fact, when Hanamaki reaches Kuroo's home, he finds that Eyebrows- Matsukawa is sat on the couch with a cup of tea. Hanamaki takes a seat next to him, and they both look at Kuroo with expressions that show how they're not mad, just disappointed.

"Well?" Matsukawa says whilst Kuroo just stands and stares at them, still a bit confused at how Makki just arrived and immediately went to the couch, "Sit down. We want to talk with you."

"We're not impressed, Kuroo."

"Not impressed at all, Kuroo."

"Of course, if you had played such a prank on Oikawa, that'd be a completely different matter. But you've wounded us."

"You have _insulted_ us."

"Ruined our pride along with our trust. Just why exactly would you do this, Kuroo? Is this all just a game to you? Are our _feelings_ a game?"

Kuroo, still a bit bemused at the situation, slowly apologises, only to have Makki and Mattsun exchange a look with each other before shaking their head, both declaring that "it's not good enough, Kuroo."

The scolding continues for only a short while longer, before Kuroo distracts them with toast and points out that they've now officially met, and should probably talk a few things out. The two, still in a firm but loving manner, remind him that it past nine in the evening, and such matters must be discussed properly at appropriate times.

"Alright, I've said my piece. I'm heading home," Hanamaki announces, "Mattsun, it's been a pleasure meeting you properly. It's a shame our friend- or rather, mere cashier of an acquaintance, did not inform us of our identities, but instead decided to play a rather pathetic trick." Hanamaki takes a moment to pat his pockets, before whispering to himself a gentle, " _fuck_."

"If someone has forgotten his keys," Kuroo starts, "I'm afraid he can't stay over, especially if he's been so cruel towards his favourite cashier. Unless, of course, that certain someone is willing to swallow his pride and apologise to his lovely cashier friend."

Hanamaki weighs the pros and cons of begging. Of course, he knows he could probably just stay anyway; Kuroo's not one to throw people out, and his mother loves other children just as much as she loves her dearest Tetsurou. Plus, Hanamaki really doesn't have the change to get to Oikawa or Iwaizumi's place, and without his keys he won't be able to get in until tomorrow morning.

So, maybe he'll humour Kuroo and swallow his pride. Makki opens his mouth (but maintains his deadpan expression) and just as he's about to monotonously beg for somewhere to stay the night, Matsukawa interjects:

"You can stay at my place, if you want. I won't make you beg for it."

"Oho, that's not what you said the other day, my friend." Kuroo's grinning widely.

"Not now, you disgusting little man," Mattsun responds casually, before returning his attention to Hanamaki.

"Are you sure it's alright?"

"Yeah, I live nearby anyway. My parents are going out, but they'll be alright with it, and my brother won't be annoying or anything. So, yeah. Instead of throwing away your dignity, just stay with me."

"Well, if you insist."

 

\---

 

The walk to the Matsukawa residence is fairly short, but somewhat awkward. After all, Hanamaki had unknowingly texted Matsukawa about how he intended to date him. It's not really the time to talk about that, though, since Hanamaki is just suddenly sleeping over.

Without any change of clothes. Well, shit.

When they arrive, Matsukawa introduces Hanamaki to his mother and explains the situation. Hanamaki receives a warm welcome from Ms Matsukawa, and waves goodbye as she leaves to go do whatever business it is she must tend to. The boys venture onward, and end up in Mattsun's bedroom.

Is this weird? This is probably a little weird. Yet at the same time, it doesn't feel strange at all- it's as if this is the most natural place for Makki to be. Maybe that's why it's weird.

"I hope you're not trying to extort game plans through your kindness, you know," Hanamaki jokes as he looks around the room. It's nothing out of the ordinary, but with the lack of a second bed, Makki can only assume that the aforementioned younger brother must have a room of his own.

"Makki, you wound me," Mattsun responds as he searches the room, most likely looking for something for Hanamaki to sleep on, "Do you doubt me that much? Has my love been nothing but a game to you?"

"All the world's a game, and we are all merely players, my friend."

"Ah, yes. Albert Einstein, 2012. Truly an inspiring quote, you're quite well read."

"I'm more than just a pretty face. With my beauty, quick wit, and intelligence, I truly am the ultimate catch."

"Your wife is a lucky lady."

"If only she'd return my calls. I think she and I are breaking up, Mattsun, oh, what am I to do? I've never loved another as much as her. Oh, Mrs Iwaizumi."

Matsukawa snickers at Hanamaki's dreamy sigh, tossing his lovesick companion some old shorts and a t shirt, to which Makki offers his most sincerest thanks. Neither of the two boys dare bring up how they had been pining for the other, and if either had any plans to bring it up, the moment fades, for Hanamaki catches a glimpse of someone peeking into the room. Upon making eye contact with Makki, the peeping child gasps and flinches, resulting with the door opening a bit wider.

"Takaya?" Matsukawa says gently, walking towards the door to confirm that the mystery creature is in fact Takaya. Sheepishly, the child enters the room, mumbling his introductions to Hanamaki with a shyness Makki never would've expected from Mattsun's brother.

"It's nice to meet you, too, Takaya," Hanamaki says, hoping his formalty might seem at least a bit humorous towards the kid, "I'm Hanamaki Takahiro." This prompts a small gasp and sparkly eyes from the small Matsukawa sibling.

"Hero?!" The boy beams, "Can I call you Hiro? Are you a hero? Can you shoot lasers out of your eyes? Can anyone shoot lasers out of their eyes? Can Issei?"

"Sure, you can call me that," Makki nods, unable to stop himself from smiling back at Takaya, "I personally can't shoot lasers out of my eyes. But then again, I've never made the attempt. I'm sure Issei can if he tries hard enough, though."

Takaya stays, giving Hanamaki his undivided attention and so leaving Mattsun to just go about his business in setting up Makki's bed for the night. The younger sibling is telling Hanamaki all about his favourite superheroes and then feeding Makki with all sorts of information on Issei. It's cute, actually, how much Takaya adores his older brother, and he becomes very quickly attached to Hanamaki, too. When Issei insists that it's time for Takaya to go to bed, the boy pouts, stating that he wants to sleep with them tonight. After all, it's not fair if Issei gets to have a friend over and Takaya is left all lonely.

It's equally cute how Issei evidently adores his little brother very much, and allows him to climb into his bed whilst Mattsun goes around the house, making sure all the windows and doors are locked.

"Hey, hey, Hiro, do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"I've got an older sister, but she's got her own house now. She does visit me, though, and she can be very scary sometimes."

"Issei's never scary! But he looks scary when he wears his uniform. That's what my friends at school think, anyway."

"I think I'd like to see that. And what's Issei like when he's playing volleyball?"

"He's super cool! No one's cooler than him, and no one can beat him, either! Except me!"

"Woah, then that makes you even _cooler_ than Issei."

Takaya gasps a gentle and amazed, "you're right!" which prompts Makki to exhale out of his nose. As the two hear footsteps approaching the bedroom, Takaya gives the command for Makki to "pretend to sleep, quickly" and, always the one to do as he's told, Hanamaki rolls over to look at Matsukawa. He receives a smile from the older sibling, as well as a signal to check his phone. At least, Makki takes the sight of Mattsun waving his own phone as a sign for Makki to check his own.

(11:12) first name basis huh?  
(11:12) smooth, Takahiro. Smoooooth  
(11:13) I'm glad he likes you tho. He's a lot more shy around other people  
(11:13) guess you'll have to come over again  
(11:13) good night

A warmth sweeps over Hanamaki as he reads those texts, and he takes a moment just to appreciate how truly grateful he is to have met Mattsun. He's never clicked with someone else so well, and he's slowly understanding how Oikawa might be feeling, with the fear that if he makes a move then this current relationship might be jeopardized.

 

\---

 

(11:17) sweet memes  
(11:17) night night  
(11:18) don't let the bed bugs adopt capitalistic ideas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt put "nii-chan" but i can confirmt that takaya probably adds it on to both issei's name + makki's ((hiro-nii-chan how cute))
> 
> also makki refers to mattsun as issei when speaking to takaya. why? who knows. i know. i think it's cute


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> meetin' the parents. important step. also the return of Baby Brother Takaya.

(1:09) Takaya wants you to come see he again sometime soon btw

(1:11) he does know that i just left right  
(1:12) but i am more than willing to turn around n go back if it means spending time w him  
(1:12) he's honestly too cute for words congrats on worlds most adorable brother  
(1:13) my v ball family doesnt even compare to him

(2:59) sorry distracted him with mario  
(2:59) but speaking of which  
(3:00) when do I get to meet your v-ball parents?  
(3:01) I feel as if I know them already by now  
(3:01) quite intimately, actually

(4:02) i can arrange something  
(4:02) just lemme kno when ur free

(4:05) are you gonna set up a mcdate :/

(4:05) yeah  
(4:06) n i'm makin it a mcdouble

 

\---

 

(10:38) u busy this saturday?

(11:01) nah I'm free

(11:09) sweet then u wanna meet oikawa + iwaizumi then

(11:10) yea man  
(11:10) will I get to watch an arm wrestling match

(11:12) u kno what babe  
(11:12) sure  
(11:13) and i'll win  
(11:13) just for u

(11:15) let's refrain from causing a scene from mcdonalds  
(11:15) I don't wanna get banned  
(11:16) I live for those 20 mcnuggets

(11:20) i thought u lived for shrek  
(11:20) r u drifting from our love and lord

(11:21) I can juggle my love for both  
(11:22) and I'm sure Shrek understands

(11:25) tru  
(11:25) shrek is of a kind and compassionate soul  
(11:26) an ideal husband, really

(11:27) better husband than you

(11:30) u say that now mattsun  
(11:31) but when we're 30 and married and in love ur gonna see just how great a husband i can be  
(11:31) and we can have a kid. then i'd be the best father

(11:33) daddy

(11:35) ok nvm  
(11:35) weddings off  
(11:36) u disgust me, mattsun.

 

\---

 

Somehow, plans for Saturday were properly arranged. A time and a place were chosen, and the first to be at the designated spot around the desired time was Hanamaki, with Matsukawa arriving shortly after. Although there is two seconds of initial awkwardness, the two immediately fall into their usual banter as Matsukawa insists that a daddy kink pales in comparison to a farmer fetish.

"What can I say, Mattsun. I'm just a ho."

"Makki! You're not talking about me behind my back, are you?" A familiar voice calls, and both Makki and Mattsun erupt with laughter, each quietly appreciating Oikawa's expert timing. Once Oikawa reaches the boys, with Iwaizumi trailing behind him, Matsukawa extends a hand out to him.

"Matsukawa Issei. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"No need to be so formal, Mattsun!" Oikawa says with a smile, shaking the other boy's hand as he continues, "I know you're very similar to Makki! I've heard lots about you. You play with Daichi, right?"

"Yeah, and I've seen you play. You're kind of scary, but thankfully Makki has given me several reasons to believe otherwise." Oikawa gasps at this statement, whipping his head around to Makki and demanding to know what exactly has been said that may have slandered the Oikawa name. Whilst Makki answers the question, Mattsun turns to Iwaizumi, who's grinning. Probably pleased that there's someone else who knows Oikawa's true, nerdy self.

"Iwaizumi Hajime." He introduces himself with a firm handshake. "I believe you're the one who told Hanamaki to scream in my face in order to beat me in arm wrestling?"

Laughing, Matsukawa nods, "I am. I never thought he'd really do it, though. By the way, I've heard all about the arm wrestling contests, and please know that as Makki's friend, I must root for him, but I am honestly amazed that you didn't even flinch at my tactics. You have my respect."

Before Iwaizumi can thank him, Hanamaki pushes Oikawa aside as he gasps, but his voice remains monotone as he says, "Mattsun, you whore! How dare you praise the enemy!" As Makki then goes on to sob about how he's heartbroken, Matsukawa reaches out to him, his reply equally as flat as Makki's was.

"Babe, no, I'm sorry, it's not what you think!"

" _Babe_?!" Oikawa's eyes are positively sparkling as he glances over from Makki to Mattsun, before he fixes his expression into a more stern (yet still goofy) one as he plays along with their silly game, "I will _not_ hand over my eldest to someone like you, sir! How dare you flirt with my child without even asking me for his hand first!"

Watching the scene, Iwaizumi rolls his eyes as he reminds the three others that they're all still in public and should stop being so loud. Oikawa nods, muttering, "listen to your mother, Makki," except not very quietly, so Iwaizumi strides over and smacks the back of Oikawa's head as he mutters for the lanky asshole to cut the crap.

The four talk about volleyball as they walk to the nearest cafe, and Matsukawa is amused to find that Oikawa has a lot of shit to say about other teams. Teams that he himself has only played once or twice, but he definitely enjoys to hear just how 'Ushiwaka' gets under Oikawa's skin. Especially when the reason is actually rather sweet: Oikawa dislikes when people insult his teammates.

As their time together went on, Iwaizumi and Oikawa grow more and more fond of Mattsun. He easily fits right into their friendship circle, and Makki jokes about how they're going to have to call Daichi and Suga and tell them that Seijou has stolen one of their volleyball children. Naturally, Oikawa also tries to pry some information about strategies out of Matsukawa, but the answer he receives is merely a threat that the tiniest members of Karasuno are going to be sent in to steal Seijou's captain's pants when he least expects it.

Oikawa gasps. "But... _I'm_ the captain..." He whispers, horrified at the idea, "Iwa-chan! We need a battle plan, they can't just do that to us!"

"Seeing as the only casualty is you, I think we can let it slide. No revenge necessary." Oikawa pouts at Iwaizumi's response, and Matsukawa laughs. He then excuses himself to answer a phone call. Hanamaki notices that the caller id reads "momsukawa" and he can't help the small smile that tugs on the corner of his lips, with the lingering thought of what name he's saved under in Matsukawa's phone.

"Wow. Iwa-chan, are you seeing this?"

"I am most definitely seeing this."

"Makki, you've got it _bad_. Even Iwa-chan can see it. Iwa-chan is oblivious to _everything_."

Giving Oikawa a hard glare, Makki replies, "I know. Believe me, I know." A pale pink paints Tooru's cheeks, but the boy ignores what his friend is hinting at and pushes on.

"You like him, don't you? Why don't you do something about it? We can help! I'm a brilliant matchmaker, and I completely approve of him."

"Oikawa, I don't think anyone wants you to help with their love life. Leave them alone." There's a pause, before Iwaizumi adds, more quietly, "I also approve of him, though."

Just as Makki thanks his father figure of a friend, Matsukawa returns to the table. Jokingly, he asks if he's intruding, earning a grin from Makki and an eyeroll from Iwaizumi. Oikawa just smiles knowingly before leaning in to whisper something to Iwaizumi. Whatever he said causes the latter to choke on his drink.

Meanwhile, Matsukawa is taking this time to tell Hanamaki that he'll have to go soon, as his mother has somewhere to be and so he needs to look after Takaya.

"If you want, you could come with me?" Mattsun offers, not noticing the way Oikawa swats Iwaizumi's thigh, "I mean, Takaya hasn't stopped talking about you. Not that I'm using him to guilt trip you into visiting me. I don't need to, seeing as I saw you eyeing up my Shrek collection."

"Are you implying that if I go home with you, not only will I get to spend some time with my favourite Matsukawa sibling, but I'll also be watching Shrek?"

"First of all, ouch. But yes. Though really you're free to pick anything you want to watch. We could stop by Kuroo and get some snacks, too."

Makki knows what his decision is, but quickly glances over to Oikawa and Iwaizumi. Before he can even ask them if it's okay to go- half ironically, due to the parent thing, but there's a hint of genuine 'is this okay with you' seeing as _he_ was the one who invited them out today. Oikawa is incredibly eager as he nods, _yes, it's fine to go_ , and even attempts to do an incredibly lewd gesture with his fingers. Thankfully, Iwaizumi grabs a hold of them before Matsukawa can notice.

In retaliation and straight faced, Hanamaki points from Iwaizumi to Oikawa, makes a circle with one hand and then punches through it, so that the circle is then holding his clenched fist. With Matsukawa doubled over laughing, Oikawa's eyes widen and Iwaizumi blushes furiously. Hanamaki shoots a smirk as he waves his farewell to his dearest friends.

"Those two have definitely boned." Matsukawa announces once they're a few feet from the cafe.

"I wish that were the case. You know I'm the middle man in that, right? Not in a sexy way, but in the 'everyone tells me their feelings and then insists that I'm wrong when I tell them it's mutual and they should just get it on already' way."

"How long have they been in this mutual pining situation?" Matsukawa asks as they walk the familiar route to Kuroo's store. The street is mostly empty, but then again, no one goes to the store that it leads to.

Hanamaki tilts his head back as he thinks. "Before I even met them, probably. Definitely at least three years."

"Three years, huh? I doubt I would've made it that long."

"What, you would've gave in and confessed after three months?"

A small smile grows on Matsukawa's face as he says, "Jeez, Makki. You know me so well."

 

\---

 

Once the two boys enter the store, they find that Kuroo isn't on duty today. A shame, really, seeing as they were still disappointed in him and his little prank. Sure enough, they appreciated it, but they would've been a lot more appreciative had Kuroo just introduced them to one another properly.

Instead, at the counter stands the bitter lamppost of shade, or, as Mattsun has affectionately named him, Tsukino. The two are teammates, and it's clear that the cashier did _not_ want to see any teammates today.

"Ouch, Tsukino, that's no way to look at your brother! We are family through volleyball, and whilst blood may be thicker than water, volleyballs are thicker than blood." Hanamaki nods along to Matsukawa's statement. "That's just a little fact from me to you, my favourite cashier friend."

"That makes no sense, and don't call me that."

"Call you what? Tsukino, my brother, or my favourite cashier friend?"

The bespectacled cashier shudders. "Any of them. Just buy what you want and leave." There's a pause, before the cashier, whose actual name is Tsukishima, according to the name tag, adds, "Actually, if you're here to buy more Shrek shit, just leave now. I won't serve you."

Matsukawa feigns shock by raising his hand to his chest, except his face betrays how completely unaffected he is by Tsukishima's statement. He turns to Hanamaki, who mimics his friend by raising his hand to his mouth, and Mattsun says, "Makki, can you believe this? The _disrespect_ -"

"This place is like a second _home_ to us-"

"On our daughter's _birthday_ -"

"Our _wedding_ night-"

"Just the two of us-"

" _Three_ of us," Makki clutches onto Matsukawa with one hand, whilst balling the one by his mouth into a fist in attempt at pretending to be shy. In the most sarcastically dramatic way one would expect, he announces, "I... I haven't been able to find the right time to tell you, but... I'm pregnant! With your child, Mattsun!"

Once again, Mattsun dryly pretends to be surprised, before throwing his arms around Hanamaki's neck. He turns to face the incredibly unimpressed Tsukishima, and hisses, "I hope you're happy, you monster. Turning out a man and his pregnant wife? Shame on you."

"Just go get your stuff already, creeps."

Instantly, the two customers drop their act and head to the snack aisle. They're quick to buy what they want, thanks to how well they know the store, which gives them enough time to run by Hanamaki's house so he can grab some stuff for staying over. Whilst there, Matsukawa catches a glimpse of the sister Makki had once mentioned, but he is ushered out before he gets the chance for introductions.

 

\---

 

When the boys finally get to Matsukawa's house, they both get a warm welcome. Despite her hurry, Ms Matsukawa informs Hanamaki that Takaya has taken quite the shine to him, and, with a wave, she tells him that he's welcome any time.

Meanwhile, Takaya has his tiny arms wrapped around his brothers legs, but immediately runs to Hanamaki once his mother is gone. Excitedly, the child begins to tell Takahiro about this picture he drew, tugging on Makki's leg in order to lead him to the living room. Once seated, Hanamaki is shown a lovely drawing featuring himself, Takaya, and who he assumes to be Matsukawa.

"That's you, that's me, and that's Issei!" Takaya confirms Hanamaki's thoughts, "I drew you with your laser eyes, and added some sound effects too! Pew pew!"

"You know, you could have laser eyes, too. We could all have laser eye vision. Pew pew."

Amazed, Takaya broke into a gigantic smile as he frantically searched for his pencil. However, the boy gets distracted when his brother enters the room, carrying two bowls of ice-cream. Delicately putting the drawing aside, Makki takes a bowl whilst Takaya grabs the other and switches on the tv, insisting that if they're going to eat ice-cream, then they need to watch an ice-cream-appropriate movie.

For the most part, Takaya watches the movie quietly but with evident excitement. Every now and then he'd turn towards his brother and Takahiro. The older two would then smile back at him. However, once Takaya runs out of ice-cream (which was inevitable, but the situation occurred faster than Issei had expected) he then grows bored of the film and so weasels his way between Issei and Hanamaki.

"Hey, Hiro, can you play volleyball?"

"I can play volleyball. In fact, I'm a regular on one of the best teams around here."

Wide eyed, Takaya asks, "Are you better than Issei?"

Makki seems to consider all of his answer options. He could brag and claim that yes, he might just be better than Issei, but he didn't want to get into an argument with Takaya. On the other hand, he could say that no, he's not better than Issei, but, well... that would just be a lie. Instead, Hanamaki settles with the solid truth as he answers, "I don't know. I've never played against Issei in a volleyball match before."

Violently whipping around to face his brother, Takaya asks Issei if they could play a match in the back garden. An important match, that is. Issei agrees and gets up from the couch. As the boys walk through the house, Takaya tugs on Hanamaki's arm, indicating that he has something private to tell him. Makki kneels down so that Takaya can whisper in his ear.

"I'll be on your team. My brother is really good, but I can beat him, so don't worry."

Honestly, Hanamaki isn't too sure how a two-on-one volleyball match would work, but he's up for new things. Besides, the earnest look in Takaya's eyes is just too cute to refuse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> momsukawa - idk is this joke could actually work given the kanji but basically i imagine it'd be something like matsu-kaa-san. idk. it's a dumb joke i'm sorry  
> in case u were wondering oikawa has his mum under the name "mothership" with the alien emoji. iwa-chan is saved under three flexing emoji's.  
> also sorry if you read this before i properly edited it this morning!! i missed a handful of sentences when i was pasting it from its document, i'm really sorry it didn't make sense!!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> domestic (they bake a cake wow aint that nice)
> 
> dont know how to let a chapter progress?? just throw oikawa in it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> they dont text at all this chapter wow

A two-on-one match is possible, just... different. A bit harder. For Mattsun, at least. The rules are bent a bit so he can serve and spike by himself, but even with the exceptions, he's not enough to compete with dream team Takaya and Takahiro, who had declared the team name to be 'Taka²' after a brief explanation of what squaring a number is ("Really, it's just the quick way of saying a number timesed by itself." "Okay, but if we're a team, aren't we added together?" "But when we're timed together, it shows how we're super powerful." "I see..."), and the two don't hold back in their celebration after the defeat of a very sweaty and very exhausted Mattsun.

"Issei, Issei, because me and Hiro won, can we get to choose what we have for dinner tonight?" Takaya asks excitedly. The older sibling smiles back at him.

"I guess so. But, whoever wins at Mario Kart gets to choose dessert."

A pondering look spreads across Takaya's face, before he eventually turns to Hanamaki and asks, "is that fair?"

Teasingly, Hanamaki answers, "I'm not too sure. Since we won as a team, I think you should get to choose what we're having for dinner, and I get to decide on the dessert."

Ever the intellectual, Takaya nods knowingly, telling his older brother that "Hiro has a point."

Matsukawa purses his lips. "Fine, fine. What is it that we want, then?"

Without any hesitation, Takaya announces that he wants to order pizza for dinner, and Makki and Mattsun agree that it is a wonderful decision. The Matsukawa brothers then turn to Hanamaki expectantly.

"Well, boys. You're looking at the finest baker around."

"Is that so?"

" _Yes_ , Issei, it is. I make a mean apple pie, but today I'm in the mood for cake." This prompts a small gasp and bright smile from Takaya. "I'm also in the mood for taking requests." Hanamaki adds with a wink, and Takaya throws his hand up with glee.

"Strawberry cake! Can you make strawberry cake?"

"As long as I have the ingredients, I could make a thousand strawberry cakes."

With wide eyes filled with wonder, Takaya repeats Hanamaki's words, quietly and filled with amazement, "a thousand strawberry cakes..."

He then whips his head around to his older brother, who is staring at Hanamaki with a slight grin on his face. Takaya doesn't say anything, instead merely staring up Issei with determined eyes, and Issei purses his lips in thought as he looks down at his younger brother. After a brief silence, Mattsun asks, "well, do we have any strawberries?"

Which immediately causes Takaya to make a dash for the kitchen. Whilst he searches for the fundamental ingredients to a strawberry cake, Makki and Mattsun wait in the garden.

"If you don't have any, I'll go get some. Seeing as you lost, you take it nice and easy. Have a shower, kick your feet up. I won't humiliate you any further."

"Just you wait. When I play against you with a setter, I'll destroy your ass."

"Woah there, Mattsun. At least take me on a date first."

With a snort, Matsukawa playfully kicks at Hanamaki's ankles, and, in retaliation, Makki strikes back with the same teasing gentleness. By the time Takaya returns with a sullen expression on his face, Makki and Mattsun have their hands locked together as they jokingly try to stand on each other's toes.

"We don't have any strawberries." Takaya's pout is evident in his voice alone, immediately drawing the attention of the older two. They let go of one another's hands in order to walk over to Takaya.

"Well, looks like I'll just have to buy some." Makki announces, and Takaya lifts his head to look at him. His own dark messy hair is a bit longer than Issei's, it stretches down his neck and his fringe is just short of getting in his dark grey eyes. "I guess you can kick your feet up after all, Issei." Hanamaki adds with a glance over to Mattsun.

"Why don't we all go together?" Mattsun suggests, "We can just buy all the ingredients we need for a cake. That way-"

"It'll be the best cake!" Takaya chimes in, "I want to go, I can help!" The sad expression he had before has now been completely replaced by one of joy and eagerness, and Makki just can't say no to that.

"Alright. From here on out, you're my assistant." Hanamaki informs Takaya, who beams in response, before swivelling his gaze over to Issei. "As are you, Mattsun. We're going to bake this cake as a family."

"I wouldn't have it any other way." There's a brief silence as the two teens lock eyes, each wearing a gentle smile. Mattsun breaks the silence as he adds, "I mean, you will need someone to reach the top shelf, right?"

Narrowing his eyes, Makki reaches out to cover Takaya's ears as he hisses, "I'm gonna send you a _very_ strongly worded text message later, you disgusting little man."

Takaya pulls at Hanamaki's hands, glancing between the two with a confused expression. Issei just laughs.

 

\---

 

Out of the three of them, it appears that Takaya is the responsible adult who keeps Makki and Mattsun in check. The older two are quick to goof off, quipping bad jokes at almost everything and anything, whilst Takaya pries the ingredient they are mocking out of his brother's hand and delicately places it into the trolley.

"Do you think Kuroo would be upset if we told him we were shopping somewhere else?" Hanamaki asks Matsukawa whilst Takaya scans the strawberries, desperate to get his hands on the biggest he can.

"I hope so," Matsukawa wrinkles his nose, "I still want to get back at him for trying to prank us like that."

"Why don't we, then? Get back at him. We could do it. I don't know if you've noticed, but we bounce off of each other quite well. A duo who benefits no one but themselves. We can brainstorm later tonight, if you want."

Mattsun looks at Makki, his expression one of someone who is very slightly impressed, before he nods, telling his friend that, yeah, he wants to do that. For good measure, they toss a notebook into the basket.

During the midst of their shopping trip, the three walk past a lot of people who murmur to one another. Whilst Takaya and Issei pay no mind to it, Hanamaki catches phrases such as, "I can't believe someone so young has a child so big..."

It's these whispers that get Hanamaki to take a moment in order to actually compare and contrast the siblings. Whilst Takaya is adorably tiny with a face that grandmas gather to pinch, Issei is tall and somewhat serious looking, a face that only a mother (or Makki) would squeeze. Maybe it isn't too much of a stretch to assume Issei is actually Takaya's father. At least, from a distance. Makki doesn't voice these thoughts, though, for he gets distracted from surroundings that he recognises.

"Wait, Issei, what day is it?" Hanamaki asks quickly, glancing around the store and completely missing the red tint to Mattsun's ears.

"Saturday. Something wrong?"

"No, no." Whilst he speaks, Hanamaki tugs out his phone in order to check the time. It's a known fact that a certain captain comes to this store every week at a specific time in order to stock up on food for a sleepover at a certain vice captain's place. However, before he can even get his phone out of his pocket, Mattsun is looking behind him and there's a sudden weight on his shoulder.

"Makki! Fancy seeing you and Mattsun here!" Oikawa's voice isn't exactly what Takahiro wants down his ear, but here he is. There a slight pause as Oikawa registers the third member of the group he just joined, before Oikawa continues with a whisper to Hanamaki,"Makki, you didn't tell me you had a _son_!" Takaya hides behind his brother. Not that Makki can blame him, really. Oikawa's weird.

"Yep," Mattsun shrugs off Oikawa's comment, and Hanamaki decides that he is just used to hearing it by now, "Oikawa, this is my son, Takaya. The beauty you are currently leaning on right now is the love of my life, we're married and have raised our son together for the past seven years. Please, when you and Iwa-chan are free, come over, we love those brownies you make."

"That's right, Oikawa. My dearest Issei and I would love for you to bring over Iwa-chan and the kids. It's been so long- nay, _too_ long. Running into each other here today was such good luck, really."

"Oh, sweet Takahiro, you're quite right. Send me an email, I'll make casserole. I'm sure you don't want to have to sit through another of my darling Makki's awful potato salads."

" _Issei_ ," Hanamaki hisses drily,  feigning irritation as he continues, "I told you, we've talked about this, you need to stop trying to embarrass me, in front of our friends, our child-"

Oikawa groans as he runs a hand down his face, declaring that Makki and Mattsun are the worst duo he's ever seen. Such a fact pleases Hanamaki, whilst Matsukawa misses the statement as Takaya is tugging at his shirt, asking who this stranger is. Ever the serious older brother, Issei insists that the random man is Oikawa Tooru, the captain of Takahiro's team as well as something of a father figure to Makki.

"But don't worry, Takaya," Hanamaki enters the conversation, "I'd much rather have you on my team than this guy."

Even Oikawa can't act offended when he catches a glimpse of the small smile on Takaya's face.

 

\---

 

The moment the boys return home, Takaya dashes for the kitchen with the lightest bags in his hands. He sets them aside in order to scavenge for weighing scales and bowls, tools that Hanamaki insisted are necessary for the art of cake making. Whilst the younger Matsukawa sets up the kitchen, the older sibling turns to Hanamaki and whispers:

"We're gonna get _baked_."

Hanamaki exhales in amusement. "Blaze," he responds softly, smirking as Mattsun snorts. After their brief moment, the two follow after Takaya and into the kitchen, where they find an array of utensils laying on the counter tops.

"I'm going to say this now," Hanamaki starts, and Takaya looks over at him, "we can't eat the cake straight away. It'll need to cool for a couple of minutes. Plus, I'm pretty sure you might want to eat your actual dinner first."

"I want cake first!"

Hanamaki looks over to Mattsun, who shakes his head. "If you eat the cake first," he says to his brother, "then the taste will go after your pizza. So, if you eat the cake afterwards, then the sweetness will last for longer." Makki nods at the extremely valid point. Really, it's just a science that Takaya can't argue with, and so they reach their agreement that the cake can be enjoyed afterwards.

As Hanamaki begins to measure out the ingredients, Mattsun asks, "we're making it now?" to which Makki nods, making a short statement about how this way they can order the food whilst the cake bakes, and allow the cake to chill whilst they eat.

"I think I know what I'm doing, Mattsun," Makki's voice is dripping with sarcasm, despite how expressionless his face is. By his side, Takaya nods, taking the side of the one who knows how to make a cake.

"I'm sorry for doubting you," Issei apologises, and continues in a monotone voice, "oh, great Makki, whatever can I do to savour this relationship before it crumbles like our cake most indefinitely will?"

"Preheat the oven and grease up three cake tins."

Takaya almost drops the packet of strawberries he's trying to open. "Three?!"

"It's gonna be a tall cake. Or would you rather go nice and simple with just two?" Takaya shakes his head, insisting that they definitely make a cake with three tins, and then pleading for Takahiro to come over and make cakes more often.

Whilst Makki whisks the ingredients together, Takaya catches a glimpse at the time and grows restless. Issei is quick to notice. When he's asked what's wrong, Takaya answers with a shy voice, mumbling about how that cool show about heroes in robots defending the universe is starting.

"You can go watch it if you want. You've got to record it though, because I've been wanting to see that for a while now." Hanamaki says as Takaya twiddles his thumbs.

"I'll still be allowed to have some cake?"

"Of course you will, buddy. We're volleyball partners, so every time I make a cake, I'll be sure to bring you a piece."

With that, Takaya beams and dashes to the living room, leaving Takahiro and Issei alone to finish the cake. The two banter back and forth, ranging from innocent jokes about the other being sweeter than their sugary mixture to less innocent, borderline sexual jokes that require quiet voices and result with snorts and snickers. Once the three tins are in the oven, Mattsun calls for the pizza, and the two remain in the kitchen whilst they wait.

"Alright, alright," Matsukawa says with a small smile, "so you want to run a bakery? What's the best thing you can make?"

"I can make the best cream puffs you've ever had," Hanamaki brags, "I mean, I love cream puffs, so I usually just make them and then eat them all in one sitting. Worth it, though."

"What can't you make?"

Tapping his lips, Makki takes a moment to think about it, before answering, "I tried making macarons once. In terms of taste, they were alright, since it was kinda like wafers and ice cream. As for the appearance, though... not so great. Wouldn't have sold very well."

"Macarons?" Mattsun leans against one of the kitchen counters. "Wow, that takes me back. Didn't even know your name. All I had to go off was the fact that you thanked people who walked into you and knew Kuroo enough for a nickname."

"Just so you know, you're the only person I've ever thanked for walking into me."

"What an honour. Was it because you were starstruck? Did you recognise me as the handsome man you were texting, and get all flustered over it?"

"Intimidated, actually. I've never seen such eyebrows before."

"You were intimidated? Oh, my sweet Makki, just you wait til I beat you in arm wrestling. Then you'll be asking Oikawa on tips to beat me."

"You're entering a dangerous zone, Mattsun."

"I know somewhere I'd want to enter, alright." With that, Mattsun shoots a lazy grin before he, along with Hanamaki, snicker like children, their shoulders shaking with how amusing the two find themselves to be. Once their snickers come to a stop, Hanamaki makes a comment about how he's going to have to make a start on the cream. Having shared the _exact_ same thought, the two boys erupt into another fit of laughter. By the time they've calmed down, the two are both slightly winded, but still grinning at one another.

Hanamaki reaches for a bowl in order to begin whipping the cream. After a while of watching in silence as the peaks grow stiffer, Matsukawa, very softly, tells Makki, "I'm glad I met you, y'know."

"Way to make it gay, Mattsun," Hanamaki retorts before glancing back over, "I'm glad I met you, too. Even if your advice is useless."

"Maybe I told Iwaizumi the plan. I could be double-crossing you, you don't know."

"If you are, then we are most certainly breaking up."

"Are you saying that if I'm not, we'll most certainly date?" The smirk on Issei's face makes it hard for Hanamaki to determine whether or not he's joking. Either way, Takahiro doesn't even get to respond, as the knock on the door and Takaya's elated shouts ruin whatever moment the two teens seem to be having. "I'll get it," Matsukawa announces, making his way out of the kitchen. It takes Hanamaki a moment to register the fact that the cakes are done, and he hastily takes them from the oven and quickly gets to work, trimming them to perfection. Faintly, he can hear Matsukawa confirming the order and thanking the delivery person.

Meanwhile, Takaya enters the kitchen and inquires about the cake. It would appear that there is another thing on the boy's mind, though, for when Hanamaki informs him that he's about to add the cream and strawberries to the cake now, Takaya nods, and then immediately changes the conversation.

"Hiro, do you have someone you like?"

Hanamaki pauses, shifting his gaze from the cake in front of him to the boy by his side. "I do." His answer seems sufficient enough for Takaya, who nods knowingly before shooting him a smile.

"Okay. I'm glad we had this talk. I'm going to go have my pizza now." With that, Takaya exits the kitchen, leaving a slightly confused Hanamaki to put the finished cake into the fridge to chill. Shrugging the conversation he just had off, Makki heads to the table that Matsukawa is preparing the food at. Once the food is distributed, Issei calls for his little brother to come eat with them.

"By the way, Issei," Takaya starts as he takes his seat, "I'm staying over at Kenta's tonight. I just spoke to him then." He turns to Hanamaki. "Can I take him a slice of our cake?"

"Sure. Let me know what he thinks."

"Okay!"

 

\---

 

As it turns out, Takaya's friend only lives across the street, so Makki and Mattsun only need to watch from the doorstep to make sure he's safe. Whilst shoving on his shoes and saying his goodbyes to the teens, Takaya shoots Hanamaki a wink. Or at least, the best wink a child can give. Really, he just blinks at Hanamaki, but Makki understands. What an observant child. Kind, too, to impose on someone else so that his brother and Hanamaki can tackle their feelings and maybe kiss a little.

"I feel like we've just sent our child off to university." Mattsun says once his brother is out of earshot. "They grow up so fast."

Wiping away imaginary tears, Hanamaki nods in agreement. "Oh, that's too true, Mattsun," he sniffs, before dramatically throwing himself onto Issei's chest and insisting, "we should have another." He misses the slight blush that briefly paints Matsukawa's face. "Wait, no. Let's have a volleyball team's worth of children, and with them we will destroy Oikawa Tooru."

"Absolutely. And, hey, maybe one of them will actually be able to beat Iwaizumi at arm wrestling." Such cruel words cause Hanamaki to lift himself off of Mattsun, frowning slightly as he simply stares.

"You know what?" Hanamaki sighs, shaking his head and folding his arms, "I've changed my mind. I don't want your children. They'd probably have your eyebrows. We are Over The Hedge, buddy. You just Shreked this budding romance. You've Johnny Tested my patience, and I'm gonna become the opposite of Cory, for I'm getting out of this house."

"I have cream puffs."

"...I'm thinking about 12 kids, one for each month." Whilst returning to the living room, Hanamaki gives extreme details of a very strange family he and Mattsun shall apparently one day have.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok: 1) sorry for such a lame chapter, i promise things will start getting romantic soon !!! 2) am i hammering takaya into the story too hard ??? i feel like i am, so i'm sorry about that! again, i'll focus more on the matsuhana in the next chapter !!! 3) i love the hc that makki ends up running a bakery. i want him to have his bakery and finally 4) i took food for my gcse and i will not let that go to waste  
> ALSO i just realised i probably switch from Hanamaki to Makki and Matsukawa to Mattsun WAY too much i'm sorry ??? idk if it's annoying i'll sort myself out  
> ok this chapters dumb but. its 2am. i am going to sleep + tomorrow i will get to work on actually finishing this fic
> 
> but anyway thank you all so much for your comments + kudos' !!! it honestly makes me so happy to see the little (1) in my inbox, i'm glad you're enjoying this fic!!!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> it only gets gayer from here on out, folks

Sprawled out across the couch, the two boys make idle chatter, topics ranging from Hanamaki's weird dream family to his more realistic goal of owning a bakery.

"Would your twelve kids be helping you out?"

"Of course, and I wouldn't even have to pay them for it. The suckers."

"How dare you call our kids 'suckers.'"

"How dare _you_ just try and walk back into our lives. We've built our own, we're baking professionally now, and we don't need you anymore."

"I'm a changed man, babe, please, take me back."

Their words are jokingly dramatic, despite the fact that neither are moving from their comfortable position of pretty much laying on top of each other. Hanamaki is the first to move, even though it's just stretching of his leg to put his foot against Matsukawa's face.

"Ask me properly. Ask me if I'll marry you." He commands, and his friend obeys. There's a pause, as if Makki is seriously thinking the proposal over, before answering, "okeydokey, doki-doki. Love you, boo."

"Thanks."

"Anytime."

Really, their spoken conversations are no better than their texts. The teens aren't serious, but they humour each other with strange jokes and bad movie references. Neither bring up what Matsukawa had said earlier in the kitchen, instead just continuing to jokingly flirt with each other. After a while, the conversation somehow stirs towards the fact they intend on taking revenge against Kuroo, prompting Matsukawa to get out from under Hanamaki's legs and fetch the notebook and pen.

"Okay, so let's review," Matsukawa says as he flops back down, and Hanamaki straightens up to sit next to him, "Kuroo knew both of us." Makki nods as Mattsun scribbles a quick drawing of Kuroo. "We knew each other but we also met each other, without knowing we knew each other." Two doodles of Makki and Mattsun are put on the page. "Kuroo knew we knew each other and he knew that we didn't know that we knew we knew each other." At this point, a lot of lines are being drawn between the three boys, and Hanamaki is still nodding along. "I think that if we hadn't found out ourselves, he would've kept this up for a long time. Kuroo had no intention to tell us that he knew we actually knew each other." With that, Matsukawa adds evil eyebrows to the drawing of Kuroo.

"Ah, wait," Hanamaki intervenes, holding out his hand for the pen. Matsukawa hands it over to him, slightly curious for what Makki's addition will be, but Hanamaki simply adds to the doodle of himself by giving it a very toned, muscular body. Once his art work is done, he nods again and returns the pen, saying, "okay. Continue."

"Thank you for your contribution," Matsukawa starts to jot down the notes again. "Anyway, as I was saying. Whilst Kuroo didn't get to complete his prank, he did start it, and that requires at least some sort of strike back. He can be a bit touchy about his hair," Issei circles the poorly drawn bedhead, "so we might be able to use that against him."

"What if we conspire with that Tsukishima kid? Their coworkers, right? He might have more dirt than us."

Matsukawa stares at Hanamaki in a mixture of awe and admiration. Softly, he exhales, "I think I love you a little bit, y'know. You're a _genius_."

"You _think_? That's no way to win my heart. Be more romantic."

"You be more romantic. It's only been me confessing my feelings, whilst you don't reciprocate at all. If this keeps up, our relationship won't last, babe."

"I'm sorry, babe, I think I love you, too, babe. So, are we done for today? Or do you have anything else to put forward?"

Matsukawa taps his lips with the pen whilst he ponders. Eventually, he shakes his head and puts the writing equipment aside, shifting backwards so that the two boys can return to lazing on the couch. No one speaks, but the silence is comfortable, and it's only broken when there's a buzz from Mattsun's phone.

(9:03) can u get me a slice of the cake

Matsukawa looks over to the other boy on the couch. He gets a lazy grin back at him.

(9:03) You're literally on top of me  
(9:04) get your own cake

(9:04) haha i'm topping u lol  
(9:05) thats a reference to sex btw. i kno ur inexperienced in that field but u see mattsun the one who's on top (of u in this instance) is the one who puts it in

(9:05) wtf Makki everyone knows sex isn't real

(9:05) lmao thats just what they tell u  
(9:06) bcos no one wants to bone u  
(9:06) its ok mattsun worst comes to worst i'll do it with u

(9:07) if it involves farmer roleplay  
(9:07) I might just have to pass

(9:08) i've been a dirty fruit. punish me... farmer

(9:08) oh you're very hard (to pull out of the ground)  
(9:08) think I might have to get on my knees and put my hands in

Matsukawa can feel Hanamaki shaking with his surpassed laughter. When Matsukawa shifts (looping his leg over so that he's now the one on top) to get a better look at his friend trying to keep a hold of himself, Mattsun's feet graze Makki's side. And Makki loses it.

So, Matsukawa prods Hanamaki's side with his foot once more, deliberately this time. Hanamaki snorts again, but Matsukawa is still unsure as to whether his hypothesis is correct. He asks, "Makki, my dear friend, could you possibly be ticklish?"

"Nah," Hanamaki says breathlessly, "I'm just too funny, and you suddenly getting kinky with your feet isn't helping." He snickers again. Sitting up, Matsukawa takes a hold of one of Hanamaki's feet and lightly traces a line down it, causing Makki to squirm as he laughs. "Oi, oi, a foot fetish on top of a daddy one?" he gasps, "I can't believe you're against my farmer kink, you little hypocrite."

With a grin, Matsukawa leans forward and reaches for Hanamaki's neck. The latter swats his hand away. "Is your neck more ticklish than your feet?" Matsukawa inquires, inching closer and closer towards the weak point until he's almost lying on top of Hanamaki.

"I told you, I'm not ticklish. Maybe _you're_ the ticklish one here."

"I'm not the one out of breath and wriggling."

"You make me sound so sexy, Mattsun." If anything, Matsukawa is struggling to ignore the sexy aspect of a breathless Makki laying beneath him. All of his will power is being put into _not_ dipping down and kissing his friend, into not telling Hanamaki that he doesn't sound that way, he most definitely _is_. Instead, Mattsun laughs and strokes a line down the side of Makki's neck, prompting a shudder.

"You're into that sort of talk and soil? Guess you weren't kidding when you said how you love all sorts of dirt."

"Don't act as if you expected me to be a fake fan."

"I'm just disappointed, really."

"But not too disappointed, right, babe? We're still gonna do it in the tractor tonight, right, babe?"

"I sold the tractor to make money for the kids' college fund." Hanamaki fakes a small gasp at this. "I'm sorry, Makki, I thought you understood."

Their strange banter continues, all the while Matsukawa remains almost laying on top of Hanamaki. He's propped up by his forearms resting on either side of Hanamaki until he eventually starts to ache and just collapses on top of his friend. They stay that way for a while, continuing to make meaningless conversation and idiotic jokes.

 

\---

 

Once Hanamaki starts to drift off into a light sleep, Matsukawa decides that it's time to move him to bed. A fairly drowsy Makki complies, mumbling here and there as he walks with Mattsun to the bedroom. When Matsukawa goes to sleep on the floor, Hanamaki simply grabs a hold of his wrist and tugs, efficiently pulling him into the bed.

"Just sleep with me. No homo."

"It might get a bit cramped. We could end up spooning, then it would be kinda homo."

"It's not gay until your dick is in my ass."

"But we've long past _that_ point."

Makki snorts. "You wish."

Refraining from confessing that, actually, he does kind of wish for that, Mattsun retorts, "I think that's _your_ wish, farmer fucker."

"I think we established on the couch earlier that I'm the one topping you."

"Uh-huh, sure. Whatever you say, babe. You wanna be the big spoon, too?"

"Why spoon when we can just cling to each other like we did during that cold, cruel Christmas eve? When we had been snowed in, trapped in our little isolated shack with no warmth other than our own bodies, and so we huddled together, naked, desperate to escape the cruel corner death had chased us into?"

"How could I forget," is Matsukawa's dry response, "I fell in love with you that night."

"And I you, Mattsun. I'll never forget how we made love that night, not for as long as I live." As Hanamaki murmurs, Matsukawa shifts around, trying to find a way for them both to lay comfortably on a twin sized bed. Shamelessly, Hanamaki wraps his arms around the other's middle, as well as tangles their legs together.

"You good?" Makki asks, "I mean, we're probably going to end up in this position anyway. Might as well get a head start."

"Yeah, yeah. G'night, love you." It's a slip of the tongue, an honest mistake, and Matsukawa is just about to trip over himself trying to explain why he said it (habit, really, he says it to Takaya all the time) before Makki yawns and responds with a tired:

"Night, love you, too."

His words are probably also just part of a habit, he has an older sister, surely he's just used to saying the words 'love you' to people he's sleeping in the same house as. But that doesn't keep Mattsun from losing sleep over it.

 

\---

 

Matsukawa is the first to wake. Trapped within the confines of Hanamaki's arms and legs, he can't help the soft smile that spreads across his face as he looks at his sleeping friend. Who is also drooling on him. It's a tad gross, but hey, love makes people ignore that sorta thing. There's also the distraction of Makki's dopey grin and gentle mumbling, which makes Mattsun's heart skip a beat.

Shit. This is _super_ gay. Although, Hanamaki seems to not care, or perhaps not mind, about such close contact, so there's no need for Matsukawa to pry himself free of his friend. Instead, he allows himself the small luxury and wraps his arms around Hanamaki, who murmurs happily in response. It's only a while later that Makki jolts himself awake, effectively startling Mattsun as the arms around his middle tighten.

"You okay?"

Hanamaki stares blankly ahead for a second or two before swivelling his gaze towards Matsukawa. With a heavy sigh, his arms slack and Makki rests his forehead against Mattsun's stomach. "It was a dream," he mutters, "I never... what the fuck..."

"Did you dream you beat Iwaizumi in arm wrestling?" Matsukawa teases, much to Hanamaki's displeasure. He turns his head so his ear is now pressed against Matsukawa's stomach and wrinkles his nose whilst glaring up at Mattsun, loudly stating that what Mattsun had said was absolutely no way to greet someone who's just woken up. Especially when they're so obviously torn up over a devastating dream which, _no_ , Mattsun, he's not going to tell you about, because you were just so _horribly_ rude.

"Next time," Makki yawns, "I expect breakfast in bed, along with a very loving and genuine statement about just how beautiful and radiant I look. Anything less, and I will be packing my bags and finding a man who truly loves me, seeing as you so obviously don't."

"Alright, alright," without thinking too much about it, Matsukawa reaches out to card his fingers through Hanamaki's hair, "what do you want? Personally, I could settle for cereal, but if you want anything extravagant, I'm willing to go all out."

"How about cake for breakfast?"

"Alright. But don't tell Takaya, he'll want cake for breakfast every day if he finds out it's not illegal."

"You told him it's illegal?"

"He makes assumptions."

"Frankly, I believe he gets it from you," Hanamaki shifts around until he's comfortably laying on Matsukawa's chest, and guides Mattsun's hand back into his pink hair, "I've only passed on good traits. His talent at volleyball? That's all because of me."

"All our children have a sweet tooth because of you. Caught our darling Sakura with twelve cookies in her mouth, I was so shocked and appalled. That's all your influence, you know."

"That's just youth, my sweet Mattsun. An old man like you wouldn't understand. And Sakura can eat all the cookies she wants, seeing as you passed your eyebrows onto her, after all. Oh, Mattsun, how cruel of you."

"Ouch," Matsukawa whistles, lifting his hand from Hanamaki's hair and moving it to pinch the boy's face, "I see, you've gotten back at me for the arm wrestling jab. That means you can tell me what your dream was about."

Hanamaki swats at the hand pinching him before just grabbing a hold of it altogether. Chewing his lower lip, he seems to be considering whether or not he should reveal what it was that caused him to wake up so surprised and somewhat disappointed. Lifting himself off of Matsukawa's chest and sitting up, he makes his decision.

"Well, you see, Matsukawa. It was one of those weirdly realistic dreams, and you were there. I was there, too, obviously, and it was like... a bullshit rom com sort of scenario we had going on. I'm talking 10 Things I Hate About You, or Shrek. Except less hate. And no ogres or donkeys. Disappointing, I know, but the kiss- oh, that's another part. You and me. Kissed. It was pretty good, so I'll give you credit for that." Hanamaki isn't looking at Matsukawa, but Matsukawa can see that his ears are dusted pink.

Sitting up, Matsukawa asks, "you dreamed about kissing me?"

"Well, when you put it like that, it sounds gay, Mattsun."

"Takahiro." Hanamaki turns at the sound of his name, and Matsukawa grins, despite how intensely his heart is beating against his chest. He leans over, only inches away from Hanamaki's face. "Do you want to make that dream a reality?"

With a nod, Hanamaki cups Matsukawa's face, pulling him forward and bringing their lips together. Chaste and quick kisses grow to linger, which then become more vigorous and desperate until both boys pull away.

"Okay. Okay, yeah, let's brush our teeth first, please." Hanamaki says, and Matsukawa nods in agreement. There's a brief pause, both boys unsure as to what exactly they should do. Once their eyes meet, the two immediately start to snicker, which evolves into full blown laughter as they cover the awkwardness of trying to make out with morning breath.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think we're gettin closer and closer towards an end??? wow wild absolutely wild  
> once again thank you for all the comments & messages about this fic!!! they really make my day!! also, i'm sorry if it's starting to seem a bit rushed??? idk i might rewrite it. but i hope you enjoyed!!!


	8. Chapter 8

After brushing their teeth, the two boys immediately resume their previous activity of acknowledging all their pent up romantic tension. Sexual tension? Either way, Hanamaki's tongue is easing its way into Matsukawa's mouth.

"This was a good idea," Makki whispers between kisses, "we should've done this earlier."

"I wanted to do this earlier. I've been wanting to do this for a while, actually. Ever since you thanked me for walking into you."

"You should be the one thanking me right now."

"Thanks, pal."

"Any time, bro."

Again, the two break apart in order to laugh at how funny they find themselves to be. Matsukawa wheezes about how it's not entirely appropriate to call someone "bro" whilst trying to put your tongue down their throat, to which Hanamaki insists that it's "totally brokay, since tongue wrestling's still wrestling, after all." This prompts another snort from Mattsun.

With his hands rested on Hanamaki's hips, Matsukawa opens his mouth to say something, perhaps only slightly related to the current topic of conversation, however he's interrupted by a knock on the front door. "Ah," he sharply turns his head toward the source of the sudden sound, "that should be Takaya. Guess we're just gonna have to eat like plebs and settle for cereal."

"You're a terrible big brother if you're just going to leave Takaya out there and start on breakfast. That's awful, absolutely awful." Matsukawa rolls his eyes.

"Funny guy."

"Thanks, I'm glad I can humour you."

"Go let Takaya on, I'll make breakfast."

"You mean pour cereal? You can't fool me, Mattsun, not with endearing phrases that make it sound like you're whipping up a full English. Which is gross, I'll have you know. There's so much going on in that plate but none of it tastes good." The two begin to head downstairs.

"Ooh, damn, Makki, back at it again with the risky opinion."

"I haven't heard that in ages, it's so old. You disgust and disappoint me, Mattsun, both in bed and in general."

Matsukawa snorts, waving his hand at Hanamaki as he laughs, "those could be wedding vows, you know? 'I, Issei, take this person to be my lawfully wedded husband, in sickness and in health, in bed and in general.'"

"Wow. We could be a comedian duo at this rate." Matsukawa calls out to Hanamaki, who's walking towards the door. As soon as Takaya enters the house, he hugs Hanamaki with a cheerful greeting.

"Well?" Takaya asks as he looks up from Makki's stomach, a grin identical to Issei's spread across his face. Makki smiles back at him, which Takaya takes as a good sign for he lets go of Makki and, with a beam on his face, makes a dash for the kitchen. Makki closes the door, only for someone else to knock on it just a moment later, so naturally Hanamaki reopens it. A woman who Hanamaki has only seen twice before and formally met once stood in front of him.

"Ah, Takahiro. I've been wanting to speak to you."

Well, that's never a good thing to hear. Makki shuffles to the side in order to allow Ms Matsukawa into her own home. When he notices the bags in her hand, he offers to carry them for her, and trails behind as she goes to greet her sons. Immediately,  
Takaya flings his arms around her middle and welcomes her home.

Ever the awkward one, Hanamaki shuffles past the warm reunion and gingerly places Ms Matsukawa's bags onto a kitchen top. He then hastily pulls out his phone.

(10:02) im gonna befriend ur mum lol

(10:02) I'm gonna date urs lol

(10:03) ay. cheeky.

"Hiro!" Takaya voices calls out, "is there any cake left? Mum needs to have some!"

"Isn't it a bit early for cake?" Hanamaki responds as he stands by the door between the rooms, now able to see Takaya slowly shake his head.

"It's never too early for cake." As someone with intentions to run a bakery, Hanamaki respects Takaya's answer. However, as someone who wishes to get on the good side of the brothers' mother, he has to guide Takaya down the path of a cakeless morning.

"As much as I like that idea, I'm afraid that there is a certain time for eating cake." Takaya furrows his brows and pouts at Hanamaki's response. "Trust me, I'm going to be a baker. I know these things. So, right now we need to have a healthy breakfast, otherwise we'd be tired all day." This seems to be the right thing to say, since Ms Matsukawa smiles at him before announcing that she'd be the one to make everyone breakfast. Takaya offers his assistance and she gratefully accepts it.

(10:07) lol I've never seen you so serious before

(10:07) im sitting right next to u  
(10:07) i know for a fact that u didnt lol  
(10:08) when will the lies stop mattsun ??????? im being serious now

(10:08) lol

(10:09) ur smiling not laughing

(10:09) sol

(10:09) french?

(10:09) Spanish, you goon

"The disrespect," Hanamaki mumbles, and his comment does not go unnoticed. When called out on it, Makki lifts his head from his phone, momentarily confused. "Oh!" he realises, "I mumble when I type. Sometimes. I don't want to talk about it."

"Would you rather talk about your loose grasp of European languages?"

"Don't sass me, Matsukawa."

"I thought you call me Issei when you're in the Matsukawa household, Takahiro?"

"Issei, please, you're so embarrassing."

From the kitchen, Ms Matsukawa calls, "oh, you want to embarrass Issei? I've got just the stuff, dear." Takahiro grins whilst Issei draws his lips into a straight line. Within milliseconds, Takaya is pitter-pattering out of the kitchen with a smile on his face, and Issei seems to know exactly where his little brother is going, for he groans and brings his hands to his face.

Just as Matsukawa's mother places the plates of food in front of the boys, Takaya returns with a couple of photo albums. He gingerly lays them down before taking his seat. Much to Makki's excitement, Ms Matsukawa informs him that he can look through the albums after they've finished eating.

"Isn't it a bit early on for you to be cracking those out for guests?"

"Dear, it's never too early to embarrass you in front of your friends. Just be glad I'm not delaying breakfast to do so."

Smiling, Hanamaki turns to Ms Matsukawa and says, "I truly appreciate this, Mrs Matsukawa. The food is lovely, and you really know how to make a guest feel welcome."

"Thank you, Takahiro, dear. You've made both my boys so happy, they're almost always talking about you, so really this is the least I can do." Makki lights up at this and eagerly inquires as to what exactly Issei so frequently says about him.

"He said you're funny." Takaya answers the question, and his mother nods whilst Issei just sighs.

"I believe his exact words were more along the lines of you being the funniest person he knows."

"Well, now I must ask: does he know a lot of people?"

"I believe he does, Takahiro. Congratulations."

"I'm glad my hard efforts are being appreciated."

Swiftly, Issei enters the conversation and states, "just so you know, I firmly believe that, out of the two of us, I'm funnier." To this, Hanamaki shakes his head, informing Mattsun that not everything has to be a competition. As the family (and Hanamaki) eat their breakfast, the conversation progresses and earns a fair bit of laughter from everyone. As soon as Issei finishes, his mother immediately informs him that Takaya had forgotten a photo album, and asks if he'd be as kind as to fetch it for her.

Although suspicious, Mattsun complies.

"How did you meet Issei?" The question catches Hanamaki off guard, and momentarily he debates lying to his friends mother in order to protect Issei from a lecture about online stranger danger. However, Makki's moral compass forces him to be honest in his answer to Ms Matsukawa.

"Well, I kind of met him because I sent a text to the wrong number. Looking back on it, neither of us demonstrated what we learnt from those e-safety lessons we get given at school, but really we had just been joking about until we found out we indirectly knew each other because of volleyball teams. And then I met him at the little corner shop place, but I didn't know it was him because we actually did show internet safety and didn't send any photos of each other."

"That's quite a unique way to meet someone."

Hanamaki is about to tell his friends mother about how she'd be surprised at the sheer amount of accounts where people meet through wrong numbers, but Matsukawa reenters the room just before Makki can open his mouth.

"Here are your tools for wickedness," Issei announces, handing the album to his mother, who smiles warmly as she takes it.

The first thing Hanamaki notices is how nonexistent Mattsun's eyebrows were. From that point onward, the boy just beams as he listens to Ms Matsukawa tell all the tales of her son's youth.

 

\---

 

When his mother starts a sentence that he knows will lead to the worst story there is about him, Issei swiftly interrupts with, "well, it's been fun! Mum, you're as kind as always to our guests, but Hanamaki and I actually have plans today. So, I'm afraid I'm going to have to cut this short."

"It's been a pleasure, ma'am," Makki smiles, "I hope we can do this again sometime."

"Of course, that would be wonderful!" Matsukawa's mother responds, "seeing as you've spent so much time with them, it's only fair that you know a bit more about my boys." Hanamaki thanks her and, with a final wave, he and Mattsun exit the home. Although without intentions to actually buy anything, the two boys make their way to Home Bargains.

As they enter the store, Makki can't help but mutter about how so far everything's going to plan, as they immediately notice the bored blonde replacing a certain bedhead character. However, what Hanamaki didn't account for is the presence of a freckled, smiling teen standing nearby the cashier.

Matsukawa is quick to greet the freckled one, who earnestly waves back. "Yamaguchi!" Mattsun calls, "my son!" It seems as if Yamaguchi is about to respond, but he immediately decides not to after Tsukishima says something. Feigning sadness, Matsukawa throws a hand over his chest and turns to Hanamaki. "Can you believe that?" He clenches his fist. "My son, my own blood, refusing to greet his father. I'm starting to think that sweet Tsukino might be a bad influence on my baby boy."

"He's just in his rebellious phase, I'm sure it will pass."

Matsukawa nods, "I hope so."

"If you two aren't here to buy anything, then leave."

"But, sweet Tsukino, we're here for you." Mattsun says with a grin, prompting a scowl from the cashier.

"Even more of a reason for you two to go."

"You want me to go? You want me, the father of the boy next to you, to exit this store, leaving you and my son alone? How audacious."

"I daresay it's perverse. In a store? No class, none at all." Hanamaki joins in, causing Tsukishima to roll his eyes whilst Yamaguchi laughs awkwardly.

Before the older two can continue their banter, Tsukishima interrupts them with a harsh, "what do you want, then?" The two are quick to answer, making a clear point that they wish to find Kuroo's weakness, and that they firmly believe that Tsukishima knows what it is. With a raised eyebrow, Tsukishima responds with a blunt: "I don't."

Hanamaki simply shrugs, signalling his declining motivation to getting back at Kuroo. On the other hand, Matsukawa only becomes more desperate, and turns to Yamaguchi. Before the question is even asked, Yamaguchi instructs Matsukawa to speak with Hinata.

"Yamaguchi, this is exactly why I've taken you on as my own child. You're a genius and I love you. Do you know where I might find my tiny, ginger son?"

"I think he'll probably be in the park with Kageyama?"

With a quick thanks to Yamaguchi, the older duo leave the store. As soon as they're a handful of feet from the entrance, Hanamaki lets out a snort and mutters, "daddy."

"Makki, please, not in public! You'll get me excited." Mattsun's monotonous response causes Hanamaki to erupt with laughter as they walk towards the nearby park.

 

\---

 

"Do you think it'd be easier to split up to look for him?"

"You know, Mattsun, I like to think that not everyone has abandoned their basic knowledge of stranger danger. So, no, splitting up wouldn't be good, because I don't know who I'm looking for, nor does the target know me."

"Listen, Makki... I get it, wanting to walk around a park together, you want it to seem like a date. I can respect that. Just know I can be a lot classier than this, though, so it doesn't count."

"Damn... am I really that transparent?" Mattsun nods knowingly, but he doesn't mention the kiss the two shared a few hours ago. And if Mattsun isn't going to mention it, then Makki decides that he most definitely won't, either.

"Frankly, I'm quite worried to have you as my partner in crime. If your love for me is so obvious, how can I trust you to be sneaky for our pranks?"

Hanamaki gasps, throwing himself at Matsukawa as dramatically as he can, "I promise I'll be sneaky, babe! No one will ever know that we're up to no good! If we get caught, then..." Pondering, Makki leans back against his taller friend. "...you can toss me aside, as you have done with all your other failures of love! I know your past, Mattsun, but I forgive you for it!"

"Now, Makki, you know those were just consequences of this dangerous man's dangerous lifestyle," Matsukawa retorts as he scans the area the two pass through, "I had to abandon them, and if you can't keep up, then you must go too, no matter how much I do love you."

"You love me?" Hanamaki continues his play, but Matsukawa drops the act as he notices an orange blur. As Makki follows Mattsun's gaze, a second, smaller orange blur becomes visible. Instead of jokingly throwing back a yes, of course I love you, but I'm very much a man who's married to his work, Matsukawa announces the discovery of their wanted man. The taller of the two redheads notices Matsukawa, and soon enough both are bouncing as they wave at him. Issei waves back with a lazy smile on his face.

As he trails behind Matsukawa, Hanamaki shoots Oikawa a quick text asking if there's any progress to kissing. Given how normal he and Matsukawa are, it's almost as if it never happened, and Hanamaki is now questioning as to whether his dream had turned into an incredibly realistic one. Putting it on silent, Makki slips his phone back into his pocket and raises a hand in greeting to the small, ginger children. They both beam at him and introduce themselves as Shouyou and Natsu. Mattsun is kind enough to inform them of his companion's name.

"Anyway, what brings you out here?" Matsukawa asks Shouyou, the older and taller (if only slightly) of the two siblings, and he happily answers the question.

"Kageyama's here, too! He went to get us drinks! If you want anything, I can run and catch him?" Matsukawa politely declines the offer.

"We actually came here to find you," Mattsun tells Shouyou, "I was told you know a certain Kuroo Tetsurou?"

Nodding, Shouyou answers, "I do! I'm also really close with his best friend, Kenma!" At this, Matsukawa and Hanamaki exchange a glance, both registering this piece of information.

"Kenma?" Hanamaki repeats the name, and Hinata nods, describing the friend to be the dyed-blonde Nekoma setter. "I think I might've seen him at the store, actually..." Makki ponders, tapping his lips as he tries to recall seeing such a person. Before Matsukawa gets the chance to, Hanamaki asks Shouyou, "do you know how one might contact this Kenma fellow?"

"We want to get back at Kuroo for something," Mattsun explains, "so help from those who know have dirt on him would be much appreciated."

Shouyou nods and pulls his phone out, quickly tapping out a short message. A few moments later, he has a reply, and Natsu runs over to a now-approaching Kageyama. Shouyou steps closer to Matsukawa and confirms if it's okay to give Kenma his number. Shortly after, Mattsun receives a text from Kenma, informing him that he'll try and dig up the worst of embarrassing childhood photos. Matsukawa shoots back a thanks through text, as well as a sends a verbal expression of gratitude to Shouyou, before he and Hanamaki are off on their way.

"What should we do in the meantime?" Hanamaki asks as they walk.

"I could go for a nap."

"Wanna head to my place then?"

With a nod from Matsukawa, Hanamaki leads the way to his home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ive been writing this for weeks i havent proofread it and i cant remember much about what my plan was but . . . im doing my best & i still intend to finish this  
> anyway  
> [dabs] lol sorry this took so long to update  
> matsukawas mum is called yoko i just decided this but makkis probs just gonna call her auntie idk  
> anyway.... hope you like the fic !! reading your comments really makes me smile !!!


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> bold = oikawa  
> gotta throw texts in since this is a text fic and all lol

"Haruka, this is Matsukawa Issei. We're going to take a nap."

Hanamaki's sister stared at him with a single eyebrow raised. "Whilst I appreciate you trying to have a bit of tact and dignity, I thought you were more honest, Takahiro."

With both a deadpan tone and expression, Hanamaki repeats his original statement with a slight modification to it: "Haruka, this is Issei. He and I originally had intentions to do illicit activities, however with you being home, our plans have now been ruined. Would you be as kind as to leave the household for some time?" His sister laughs as she shakes her head, making a comment about how she's finally found time to watch that quiz show she recorded. Hanamaki turns back to Matsukawa. "Well, drats. Looks like we really will have to nap. Another chance lost to an elder's position of authority."

"Yeah, yeah. Go enjoy your nap, nerd."

"As a rebellious teen, I'm going to tell you now that I most certainly won't follow such orders."

"Matsukawa, if you would like better company, feel free to sit with me. My brother talks in his sleep."

Matsukawa grins, "I've noticed that his jokes are funnier when he's unconscious." Clapping her hands, Takahiro's sister laughs and makes a comment about how she likes this kid, whilst her brother keeps his expressionless appearance as he pretends to be hurt over Issei's statement. With another laugh, Makki's sister waves her hand and tells Takahiro that she'll wake him up in an hour, because he's just far too young and lively to sleep his days away.

"Thanks, old lady."

"Oh, and have you beaten Iwaizumi at arm wrestling yet?"

With a frown, Hanamaki replies, "too far, sis. Too far."

"Sleep tight, you two."

Despite Hanamaki's moderately wide bed, the two boys sleep fairly close to each other, both of their phones placed on Makki's bedside table.

 

\---

 

When Hanamaki wakes up, its to the text tone which he doesn't use. It's undoubtedly customised, something which Makki had wanted but was just too lazy to do, but he's not necessarily unhappy to be waking up to the sound of Waluigi making his little 'wah!' noises. He's just a little surprised.

As Matsukawa continues to snore softly, Hanamaki picks up his own phone, scrolling through his notifications to see that Oikawa has sent him a series of confused and demanding texts, as well as two face-time attempts and three missed calls. Hanamaki can't help but think him to be nosy.

(11:37) **Only just saw this but Makki omg?? You kissed him???**  
(11:38) **I don't think you're jumping to conclusions if you think he likes you (note: he does)**  
(11:40) **If you're taking one of your midday naps I s2g . ..**  
(11:40) **Did you kiss him? Did he kiss you? Are you just playing with me right now?**

(12:02) just woke up lol  
(12:03) i slept with him lol

(12:05) **Don't try and fool me Makki I know you probably just took a nap with him**

(12:06) u got me

(12:06) **Answer my question!!!**

(12:07) ya

(12:07) **Really????**

(12:08) _Attached image._  
(12:08) really really

(12:09) **Why do you even have a picture of Shrek on your phone...**

(12:10) shrek is to me what iwaizumi is to you. a lover. a friend. a necessity

(12:10) **Anyway.**  
(12:11) **There is obvious progress to kissing!!! But didn't you two talk about it afterwards?? Or are you both too big babies who are going to pretend nothing happened?**

(12:11) tbf  
(12:12) i dont want to ruin this friendship bcos it is sick af  
(12:12) and im sure u get me bcos otherwise u would've done something about ur big gay crush on iwa by now?

(12:14) **Okay but Iwa-chan and I haven't kissed before.**  
(12:15) **So, why haven't you just asked him to date you?**

(12:16) we've been busy lol  
(12:16) actually wait ur useful to us  
(12:17) so ok u know kuroo? what is his weakness.

(12:18) **I'm not going to help you until you ask Mattsun out**

(12:18) ok i asked him just then he said yes woo we're dating now  
(12:19) so. kuroo. weakness.

(12:20) **I know when you're lying, Makki.**  
(12:20) **I've got to go now. Not helping you. But I won't tell Kuroo you're plotting something either, because I'm just such a good friend~**

(12:21) _Attached image._  
(12:21) sad shrek face :(

Placing his phone back down and rolling over, Makki goes back to sleeping.

About ten minutes later, Hanamaki wakes up once again, except this time to an empty bed. He picks up his phone and notices the text notification from Matsukawa.

(12:33) btw I went downstairs lol

Groggily, Hanamaki climbs out of his bed and drags himself downstairs, only to find his sister and Matsukawa laughing together, the tv on pause. "Issei," Takahiro calls, catching Mattsun's attention, "I can't believe it! Is this... an affair? With my sister? On my _couch_?"

"Issei, we were having an affair right now? You should've told me!" Takahiro's sister plays along with the joke, prompting a smile from Matsukawa.

"Yeah, I'll be more explicit next time."

"Next time!" Takahiro repeats, "Issei, you minx, you audacious hussy! How dare you play me for a fool like that, I knew letting you meet my sister was a bad idea. She just looks too much like me, is that it? You confused the two of us?"

"Exactly."

"Then should I forgive you?"

"I'm inclined to believe that you're going to."

"Oh?"

Neither of the two boys even realise how close they had gotten until Hanamaki's sister makes a comment on it. They make no attempt to reel back from each other, and Takahiro just tells his sister, "sorry, but I'm afraid your affair with Matsukawa is now over. For your next free trial, come back in 23 hours and 59 minutes." His sister rolls her eyes, but refrains from making a comment.

Instead, the elder Hanamaki informs her younger brother that Matsukawa had been showing her photos of a certain cashier from his childhood. Before requesting to see such photos, Takahiro says with eyebrows raised, "you know Kuroo?"

To this, Haruka narrows her eyes and reminds her brother that she does indeed leave the house and go about a life of her own.

Takahiro nods once, and then turns to Matsukawa. Kenma had sent Mattsun a text revealing that he had several sources for getting back at Kuroo, to which Issei asked for a handful of them if possible. Quickly, Kenma sent a couple of photos of a young Kuroo, with a second, smaller person scribbled out through a snapchat edit. As well as the photos, he shared a few facts of Kuroo's childhood dream of becoming a cat, and demanded to be called Catsurou.

The moment Matsukawa read the word 'Catsurou' he snorted, prompting Hanamaki to lean over his shoulder and read what had been so funny. He immediately exhaled through his nose in amusement. Once the two get over their amusement for such a name, Hanamaki then asks Matsukawa the next big question: "who do we tell about this?"

Matsukawa hastily types out the question to Kenma, unsure of whether Kuroo's friends know of such an amusing tale. He quickly receives two names: Bokuto and Tsukishima. With a quick response thanking Kenma for all his help, Hanamaki and Matsukawa decide to return to the store in the hopes that either Bokuto or Tsukishima will be there.

"Matsukawa, be sure to visit anytime!" Makki's sister calls as the two shove their shoes on, and Mattsun promises that he will, telling her to text him when she's free.

"You are having an affair with my sister," Hanamaki states jokingly, "Mattsun, you devil." Before Matsukawa can play along with the joke, Makki shoots him a lazy grin, and adds, "I can't say anything, though. I traded numbers with your mum."

"Wait, seriously? My mum genuinely gave you her number?" Hanamaki nods, and Matsukawa laughs. "Why?"

"She said she wanted to talk with me again. Maybe over tea. Actually, she might have been asking me out on a date."

At this, Matsukawa gently shoves Hanamaki, saying, "and you joke about me having an affair with your sister? You scoundrel."

"I know what you're up to, rascal."

"Sure thing, sweetheart."

"Watch your back, dearest."

 

\---

 

When the two reach the store, they're slightly disappointed at the fact that Bokuto isn't there. Instead, they are greeted by Kuroo, who looks at them with a coy smile on his face as he states that for fairly inexpressive people, Makki and Mattsun sure seem disappointed to see him.

In retaliation, Hanamaki informs Kuroo that they had come in hopes of coming across Bokuto, or at the very least be served by Tsukishima.

Kuroo raises an eyebrow as he reminds them, "you two properly met because of me. I helped you, so you shouldn't be so mad. And what do you want with Bokuto?"

"You helped us _unintentionally_ because we caught on to your wicked ways." Matsukawa reminds him, and Kuroo just rolls his eyes.

"We're looking for Bokuto because we figured he's nice and you are corrupting him." Hanamaki contributes whilst Matsukawa nods.

"I'm a very kind person."

"Incorrect," Matsukawa immediately responds, "you are a very _cruel_ person."

Before Hanamaki can agree, Kuroo swiftly interrupts the two with a somewhat harsh tone, "I'm cruel, yep, I am, and that's exactly why I'm going to ban you two from this store."

This threat catches Makki and Mattsun off guard. They exchange a look between each other, as if silently conferring as to whether Kuroo is being serious or not. A moment later, Hanamaki turns his gaze from Matsukawa to Kuroo and announces:

"You don't have that sort of dictatorial power."

"Do you know that for a fact?" Kuroo inquires with a smirk, "I don't believe that you two know who runs this store."

In hopes of some sort of reassurance that Kuroo definitely does not have such a powerful position as a cashier, Hanamaki turns to Matsukawa, who isn't looking too sure himself. In fact, Mattsun turns to Hanamaki and jokingly stage-whispers, "what do we do?"

"We abort," Hanamaki states, before looking back at Kuroo and declares, "we'll be back."

"Not if I ban you."

"Tsukishima wouldn't care. We can easily just come back during his shift."

Kuroo's unable to argue to that, and the two customers begin walking towards the door. As the exit, Matsukawa leans back, being sure to make eye contact with Kuroo as he bids his farewell.

With a small grin, Mattsun says, "we'll see you later, Catsurou."

If Kuroo had been any less of a professional, he would've abandoned his cashier duties and chased the two boys down with demands for how they knew of such a nickname. Fortunately for them, the responsible cashier just stood in shock, staring at the door long after Hanamaki and Matsukawa had left.

 

\---

 

Rather than returning to Hanamaki's house in order to devise a plot, the boys venture to McDonald's.

"A McDate?" Matsukawa says as they sit down at a table, each with a tray of food, "Makki, you're so romantic."

"Sorry, babe, romance is on hold for the time being," Hanamaki, who has decided to keep to the assumption that their kiss had just been an extension to his dream, informs Mattsun, and he holds up his food as he points to it. "See this? This is a business burger. Right now, we need to form a solid plan, and then next time we're here, it will be the best date you've ever been on. I'll book our table for two in advance and order whatever the chef recommends. But for now, we're here on business."

"Ah, of course, of course. Do you have any suggestions to our next course of action?"

Hanamaki takes his time to thoroughly think through the question. He addresses the fact that the pair need to find Bokuto, as he should probably be helpful in getting extra dirt. As he eats his chips, Hanamaki thinks back to when he saw the weird-hair duo together.

As if through some bizarre mental synchronisation, Matsukawa snaps his fingers just as the image of the other person to associate with Kuroo and Bokuto enters Hanamaki's mind. The two boys raise their heads to make eye contact, before stating the name of the gateway to Bokuto:

"Akaashi."

They then conspire as to how to find Akaashi. Hanamaki informs Matsukawa that Oikawa knows him, and often whines to Iwaizumi about how unfair his competition as prettiest setter is.

"You think Iwaizumi knows Akaashi?" Matsukawa asks, and Hanamaki nods.

"I mean, it's worth it just to text him and find out, right?"

Matsukawa shrugs, and watches as Hanamaki tugs out his phone. Rather than texting, Makki just immediately calls Iwaizumi, in order to hurry the conversation along. After three rings, Iwaizumi's voice greets him. Not one to waste time, Hanamaki asks if Iwaizumi's with Oikawa. He receives 'no' for an answer, and moves on.

"Do you know Akaashi?" Hanamaki waits for Iwaizumi's answer, nods, and continues, "okay, and are you busy right now? Where are you?" Another pause. "Come to the McDonalds nearby. I'll treat you. Don't be so ungrateful, Iwa-chan, and get your ass over here. Thank you." With that, Hanamaki hangs up, and returns his attention to Matsukawa. "Well, now that that's settled, I'm going to grab a McFurry."

The whole world seems to pause as Hanamaki realises what word had slipped from his mouth, but it is too late. Matsukawa is smiling widely, as if Christmas had come early, and Hanamaki hurriedly joins the queue to the counter, but not without hearing Mattsun jokingly say "nyah" as he raises a curled hand to his temple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed this chapter !! the plot keeps changing bcos i keep writing this fic in bits and pieces, but like... i want to finish it so hopefully i will lol


	10. Chapter 10

Iwaizumi arrives just as Hanamaki is halfway through his ice cream. Without saying anything, Makki takes out some money and slides it over to Iwaizumi.

"Why did you ask me to come here?" Iwaizumi asks after he greets Matsukawa. Ignoring Hanamaki's retort about how that's not a proper greeting to a good friend, Iwaizumi sighs and reiterates his point, "what do you want?"

"We need to meet Akaashi," Hanamaki informs him, "now, be an adult and get your McDonald's. Then we'll talk."

With a roll of his eyes, Iwaizumi obliges and returns moments later with large fries and a burger. After stealing a few chips from Iwaizumi's tray, Hanamaki fills him in on the plan and insists that Oikawa can't know about Iwaizumi's involvement.

"Why?" Iwaizumi asks as he swats Makki's hand away, but fails to catch Mattsun's.

"He's refusing to cooperate," Hanamaki swipes the chip that Matsukawa retrieves, quickly eating it before Mattsun can steal it back, "I've already asked him. No offence, of course, but in these situations I do turn to Oikawa before I come to you."

Iwaizumi frowns as he responds, "I'm not going to help you if you're going to act like this."

"Yeah, Makki, that's no way to talk to your father."

"Daddy..." Hanamaki tries again, but the look on Iwaizumi's face results in Mattsun bursting with laughter. Infected by Matsukawa, Hanamaki also starts giggling, only stopping when Iwaizumi reminds the two that he's becoming less and less willing to help them. The two offer weak apologies before Hanamaki continues, "so, are you going to help us, or are Mattsun and I going to have to hunt Akaashi down?"

Although he does so with a sigh, Iwaizumi agrees to help them. Makki and Mattsun don't waste any time in having him call Akaashi, and have to be swatted away when Akaashi answers.

"Akaashi?" Makki and Mattsun strain to hear the response from Iwaizumi's phone. "I'm sorry to bother you, but I've got two people who want to meet with Bokuto. Are you with him now?" Suddenly, the duo pull away from the phone due to the boistrous voice that takes over. Thankfully, it's gone as soon as it came, and Iwazumi continues, "I'm with Matsukawa and Hanamaki. They want to meet with you and Bokuto, if possible." Makki catches the surprise in Akaashi's response of 'me, as well?' and he interrupts:

"We're in the middle of getting back at Kuroo, but we need some of his closest friends to betray him and help us."

There's a brief moment of silence, but Akaashi's smile is almost audible in his answer. "Okay," he says, before providing a time and place for them to meet in a few hours time.

"Are you coming with us, Iwaizumi?" Matsukawa asks once the phone is back in Iwaizumi's pocket. Unable to resist a jab at Makki, he continues, "I mean, you just never know when we're gonna need a pair of strong arms on the team, am I right?"

A small gasp escapes Hanamaki and Iwaizumi laughs.

"He's sensitive, Matsukawa. You need to at least pretend that he can take me on."

"I know he's _sensitive_ , Iwaizumi," Mattsun retorts, a coy smile spreading across his face, "I just hope you're not referring to the same sensitivity of his that I am so familiar with."

"You wish," Makki contributes, "I'm a catch that you haven't got the bait for, babe."

"C'mon, babe, you know I'm the only worm for you."

Hanamaki turns to face Iwaizumi with a gentle expression as he proudly confirms, "he's my worm."

"If this is how the two of you are going to be, then I won't come."

"You say that as if you don't have a worm who you love very much," Hanamaki folds his arms, his words bringing a slight blush to Iwaizumi's cheeks. Before Iwaizumi can even bark back a response, Matsukawa brings a hand to his mouth to stifle his laughter. This action immediately catches the attention of the other two boys.

Their expressions ask him what he's laughing about. Matsukawa regains composure as he simply says, "Oikaworm."

Hanamaki wipes away nonexistent tears and announces, "I knew he was the one." As if moved, Matsukawa stands up and throws his arms open for Makki to hug him, which Hanamaki immediately does. "Yes," Hanamaki murmurs, "Mattsun, protect me with those yaoi hands of yours."

Iwaizumi opens his mouth to say something, but doesn't get the chance to before some guy from the table across loudly voiced his disgust at seeing such an affectionate gesture between two men. For a short moment, both Makki and Mattsun stare at the stranger until, when they are sure the stranger is still watching them to see them end their 'disgusting' hug, they focus on each other. Without any need for communicating their next plan of action, the pair lean forward with their lips parted, proceeding to make out in the middle of McDonald's.

If it weren't for the fact that he's slightly worried the homophobic stranger will try to pick a fight, Iwaizumi would've left. The fact that he wanted confirmation as to what exactly Makki and Mattsun's relationship is also plays a part in his choice to remain.

When they break away from the kiss, their expressions of desperate lust quickly disappear as they turn to smile at the uncomfortable stranger. He glares before looking down and angrily eating his cheeseburger.

Looking back to Matsukawa and Iwaizumi, Hanamaki suggests, "shall we go, then?"

Mattsun agrees as casually as always. Iwaizumi nods, but his curious and confused expression remains. Trailing behind the two slightly, Iwaizumi sends Oikawa a text inquiring as to why he refused to help Hanamaki and Matsukawa. After all, their revenge against some random homophobic guy would've probably made Oikawa whoop and cheer.

 

\---

 

(2:58) **They're just using the plot as an excuse not to talk about their relationship!!**  
(2:59) **It's just a distraction, Iwa!! I won't support it!!!**  
(2:59) **The plan, that is. Obviously I'd support them getting together**  
(3:00) **Anyway, don't you dare help them!!**

Frowning, Iwaizumi inquires as to whether or not his two friends are dating, to which Oikawa hastily replies:

(3:02) **They aren't! Please tell me you haven't helped them??**  
(3:02) **They will never get together at this rate!! Cancel your help!!! Leave them alone!!**

"Iwaizumi." Hanamaki's voice prompts Iwaizumi to slip his phone back into his pocket. When he looks up, Hanamaki appears to look more unimpressed than usual. "What was the one thing I asked you not to do?"

"You never asked me anything. Everything you said were orders."

"Did you tell Oikawa who we're meeting with?"

"Not yet."

Only a second of silence passes before Hanamaki points his finger and declares Iwaizumi to be a traitor. Immediately after, Makki grabs Mattsun's hand and pulls him into a run, insisting that Iwaizumi wouldn't be able to keep up with them due to his tiny legs.

Had it not been for how confused the entire situation made him, Iwaizumi would've definitely proved Makki wrong.

Instead of following them, Iwaizumi reads over Oikawa's spam of texts and gives the duo a minute before he reveals who they're meeting to Oikawa. Within moments Oikawa calls and Iwaizumi lets it ring twice before answering.

"Where are they meeting?" Oikawa asks, his voice riddled with something near irritation.

"I'm not telling you. Are you home?"

"Why aren't you telling me?!" His annoyance is seemingly being fuelled by Iwaizumi's responses, especially when his next involves telling Oikawa everything about the plans in person rather than over the phone. Iwaizumi doesn't even get to the second syllable in person before Oikawa wails, "but then it'll be too late!"

"Oikawa. Either trust me or use that brain of yours to figure out what I'm thinking, dumbass." Slowly, Oikawa asks if Iwaizumi's on his side, to which Iwaizumi sighs. "Haven't I always been? Anyway, I'm coming over. If you're not home, tell me now, or I won't be impressed if I turn up to an empty house." With the confirmation that Oikawa is in fact at home, a smile tugs on Iwaizumi's lips as he starts his way there.

 

\---

 

After running a considerable amount, Hanamaki decides that Iwaizumi is probably not chasing them, although he'll probably get an earful about his behaviour later. Beside him, Matsukawa is panting as he leans against a wall in order to catch his breath.

Playfully, Hanamaki jests, "I can't believe you think you can beat me in volleyball when you're this out of breath from a little run, old man."

"It's mostly from the fear factor," Matsukawa says in return, "your baby noodle arms wouldn't have saved us from Iwaizumi's mighty strength. I'm pretty sure you know that best, actually."

"Rude. I'll have you know we wouldn't need my strength, since your eyebrows are enough to scare anyone away."

As the two continue their banter, they start to walk again. Neither dare bring up the fact that today they have kissed for the second time, not even in jest, and Hanamaki knows Oikawa's going to chew him out over it. However, as of right now, Makki doesn't feel the need to worry over such consequences. If Matsukawa doesn't wish to talk about it, then Hanamaki won't, either.

Slowly, their rapartee fades into something more gentle, and the boys get to talking about their siblings. Matsukawa informs Hanamaki about how he's taking Takaya out for the day tomorrow and so he won't be able to plot with Makki tomorrow. With an understanding clap on the back, Hanamaki tells him that they'll just have to get most of their planning done today, then.

Once Matsukawa finishes talking about the theme park he's taking Takaya, he spots Bokuto and Akaashi also approaching the park where they had arranged to meet. Makki and Mattsun break out into a run in order to catch up with them, immediately catching the two's attention due to the heavy pounding of their feet. Bokuto doesn't even get the chance to loudly greet them before they ask for his and Akaashi's assistance in getting revenge.

"What is it you're getting revenge for?" asks Akaashi, not expecting the intense response of how Kuroo played Makki and Mattsun for fools. After listening to their answer, Akaashi raises an eyebrow and asks, "you're upset that he got you two to properly meet?"

"He didn't intend for us to meet, though," Matsukawa reminds him, "if it hadn't been for Hanamaki sending a photo of his food, Kuroo would've kept messing us around. We're getting revenge for a could've been scenario, really."

"Not to mention his threat of banning us from Home Bargains." Hanamaki adds.

"Which hurt. Really badly. Home Bargains holds such much value to us, you know?"

The two are cut short when Bokuto interrupts, enthusiastically informing them that both he and Akaashi will help them, although he receives no verbal confirmation from Akaashi at all. "How can we help?" Bokuto asks, "I have a lot of dirt on him! Tell me anything you need!"

"What's his weak spot?" Matsukawa cuts to the chase, and Bokuto scratches his chin.

"Kuroo's pretty easy going, really." Suddenly, Bokuto perks up and continues, "I once saw him get really distraught when Kenma swore, though! It was so funny! Ah, do you know Kenma?" Matsukawa and Hanamaki nod. "Well, he'll have a lot of dirt, but everything he doesn't know, I know. I can't break bro code for you guys, though."

"And we're not forcing Kenma to get involved." Akaashi adds.

"We've already got some embarrassing information from Kenma about Catsurou's childhood," Hanamaki tells them and Bokuto promptly bursts out laughing over the nickname, "but we don't know what can stir him up or whatever."

As Bokuto rattles off a list of things Kuroo can get defensive over, Hanamaki jots them down in his phone. According to his ultimate bro, Kuroo's biggest concern is about how his hair won't lie flat, but at the same time he'd be worried if it did seeing as he might not suit it looking normal. A lot of his other concerns just revolve around Kenma and Kenma's well being.

Whilst three of the four group members, the fourth proposes exchanging numbers and setting up a chat in order to share any ideas anyone suddenly conjures up. Bokuto praises Akaashi for being so smart as the four quickly follow through on the suggestion.

"Can we add Kenma?" Matsukawa asks, and Akaashi shrugs.

"Ask him if he wants to be added."

Matsukawa nods before promptly doing so. Without much else to say on the matter right now, the group agree to depart with the promise of contacting one another if a plot arises. Hanamaki and Matsukawa wave goodbye before walking in the opposite direction to Bokuto and Akaashi.

"Want to come to my place?"

Hanamaki grins, "you know I live to spend time with my worm and his brother."

"That could be an implication that I am in fact the brother whilst Takaya is your worm."

"C'mon, babe, you said it yourself. You're the only worm for me."

"I'm your worm?"

"You're my worm."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if ur still reading this shitpost of a fanfic then ur my worm. love u.  
> (i'm also rewriting this as an original story where it'll be like... a little bit better lol but yeah at least now i have an excuse for my infrequent updates)


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> establishing a plan

Once the two boys are through the door, Hanamaki finds a small pair of arms wrapping around him. Takaya cheerfully welcomes the two home whilst Matsukawa takes not being hugged first to heart.

"I am your _brother_ ," Issei reminds him, but the statement only causes Takaya to tighten his hug around Hanamaki.

"I want Hiro to be my brother, too."

"Of _course_ I'll be your brother, Takaya," Hanamaki announces, "but I might have to marry Issei, is that okay?"

Takaya nods enthusiastically to convey his support to that notion, whilst Issei rolls his eyes and asks, "why are you asking my little brother for my hand in marriage?"

"Our little brother," Makki dryly corrects him and Takaya beams, "are you refusing my genuine affection and proposal due to the fact Takaya has yet to hug you?"

With that, Takaya gives Hanamaki's waist one last squeeze before moving to hug Mattsun. Hanmaki proceeds to fling his arm around Matsukawa's shoulder, insisting that because he was so whiny, they should have a group hug as well.

"Can your tiny baby arms even get all the way around me, Hanamaki?" Mattsun teases as he slips his own arm around Makki's back, to which he receives a gentle threat regarding just what Makki's tiny baby arms can do in response. "They can't beat Iwaizumi, though, can they?" Matsukawa replies in a whisper, prompting Hanamaki to fake a gasp.

" _Mattsun_ ," he says, pretending to be shocked, "you bring up such a delicate subject, in front of my son? I can't believe it. How dare you."

"How can he be my brother, your brother, and your son? Especially when I am also your husband-to-be who's having an affair with your sister. Just what is going on in this family?" Matsukawa inquires with a small grin tugging on his lips, which Hanamaki then returns. Placing his hand over his chest, Makki asks Mattsun not to mention his sister due to the wound it left on his heart still being fresh and tender, his eyes glancing to the side as if recalling the hurtful memories.

"Am I finally unlocking your tragic backstory?"

"We're not close enough for that, babe."

Lazily bringing his hand to his mouth, Mattsun informs Hanamaki that the wedding is off. Takaya, who's only become lost and confused as their conversation went on, finally speaks up again as he asks what the two are doing today.

"It's back to the drawing board today, but this time we have some more information as to how to devise a plan." Hanamaki only furthers the child's confusion, who just turns towards Matsukawa in hopes of a better answer. Rather than elaborate, Mattsun merely shrugs in response to his brother's unvoiced question.

After sending a text to Kenma, Makki sits on the couch in wait of a response. The Matsukawa brothers are quick to join him. Takaya crawls onto Hanamaki's lap as he insists for Issei to turn on the TV, smiling as his older brother complies before joining them. Mattsun leans heavily against Hanamaki, who in turn just snakes his free arm around him, efficiently holding both Matsukawa brothers.

Instead of serving it's purpose of being watched, the television acts as background noise to Takaya's babbling. He tells Hanamaki about everything that has happened within the day the two have been apart, and Makki listens intently, nodding along in encouragement for the boy to go on. Issei listens as well.

Swiftly, Takaya changes his topic of conversation from fun times he's had with his friends to fun he's had with his brother.

"You two get on well." Makki states, smiling as Takaya nods his head a little. Lazily watching with his head still on Makki's shoulder, Issei grins as well.

"He's still mean though." Takaya announces, instantly wiping off both their smiles. "One time, he told me to look inside a bottle of water but when I looked, he squeezed it into my face."

Side-eyeing Issei, Takahiro comments, "that is mean."

"What's with the sudden slander, Takaya?" Issei asks as he turns his head to properly face his brother. "Are you trying to make Hanamaki prefer you over me?"

"I already prefer Takaya."

Ignoring Makki's contribution, Mattsun continues to ask his brother, "did mum put you up to this?" Although still slightly mad over the incident he had recalled, Takaya nods, and Mattsun sighs. "I should've known she'd want to continue letting Makki know everything about me."

Now Takaya doesn't attempt to be subtle as he lists as many gross things Issei does. According to the younger brother, pranks are rare and usually harmless, but that doesn't change the fact that Issei drinks milk from the carton. Genuinely disgusted, Hanamaki covers Takaya's ears as he informs Matsukawa that their wedding is off.

"Just you wait til I find a man who loves me regardless of my milk-drinking tendencies. Then you'll be sorry."

"Yeah, sorry for him."

Parting his lips in offence, Issei mutters, "just what did I do to deserve this today..."

As his brother turns away from the pair, Takaya's face twists into one of regret and hurt. He gently tugs Makki's hands off his ears and scoots closer in order to whisper something Issei can't hear. At the younger Matsukawa's words, Hanamaki smiles before quietly responding, "yeah, I know."

Takaya nods. "I did think of getting back at him for the water trick, but I didn't want to get into trouble."

Once again, Issei perks up at the conversation and returns to facing the two speaking. Hanamaki asks what it was that Takaya had wanted to do.

"I was gonna get a lot of glitter and put it in a balloon. A big balloon, because I was going to put it into his wardrobe. I wanted him to have to pop it to get rid of it, then the glitter would go all over his clothes."

Both of the older boys are speechless. Such an elaborate prank wasn't what they had expected, but it's definitely a prank which they believe shouldn't be kept as just an idea. It takes a few moments for the two to process the prank, before finally Hanamaki hoists Takaya up into the air and praises his genius. Matsukawa takes out his phone and sends a text to the group chat whilst Hanamaki asks the child he's holding if it's okay for them to use his idea for a prank.

After receiving confirmation that it is okay, Hanamaki grins and spins the younger brother around. Both of the two spinning laugh together until Takaya tugs on Makki's shirt, asking him if this means he and Issei will be going out again. With a gentle smile Makki shakes his head.

"Also," Matsukawa joins the conversation, "I want to make sure Kuroo's the one doing the laundry. After all, his mum didn't mess with us, so I don't want to make her have to deal with glitter clothes for a month."

Even though Hanamaki understands where Mattsun is coming from, he still smirks and coos, "Issei's such a sweet child, so caring, so kind. You're making my maternal instincts act up. Ask Bokuto if he knows if Kuroo does his own laundry."

Matsukawa returns to his phone in order to obey Hanamaki's instruction. As he does so, Makki places Takaya back on the couch and sits down with him once again, informing Takaya that he and Matsukawa now indebted to the child. Takaya lights up at this and asks if that means he'll be able to eat Hanamaki's cake again.

"I'd make you cakes anyway," Makki tells him, "in fact, I need someone to taste test all my baking, and I think you'd be perfect for the job." Takaya beams at this, giddily agreeing that yes, he would be perfect for tasting sweets.

For a while, the two talk about all the sweet food that Hanamaki is going to make whilst Matsukawa contributes gag ideas. With a soft laugh, Makki promises to bake a tray of meme cookies just for Mattsun, which prompts Takaya to ask for his own tray, too. After establishing that Hanamaki will bake plenty for each brother, the three begin to have idle chat. Hanamaki learns more about the light bullying Matsukawa has shown towards Takaya, as well as hears how Takaya has gotten back at his older brother.

Eventually, a text from his older sister forces Hanamaki to get off the couch and head home. Takaya's crestfallen expression is accompanied with weak interrogations about whether Makki _has_ to go, to which Hanamaki makes a promise to see him again soon with the bounty of cookies. Matsukawa jokingly wishes Makki luck with the chores his sister is demanding him to do.

"I'll exemplify, just so you know, for it's all training to make me the perfect househusband. In fact, it's all for you, Mattsun."

"Yeah, yeah. Get gone, Makki."

Before Hanamaki can respond, Matsukawa wiggles his fingers in a mock wave and closes the door.

(6:31) u closed the door on my feelings  
(6:31) how cruel

(6:32) go home

(6:33) i will n i'll never come back

(6:33) good riddance

(6:34) blocked  
(6:34) im gonna put a glitter balloon in UR wardrobe if u dont ditch the sass

(6:35) try me bitch

(6:35) wow i dont need this negativity in my life  
(6:36) u just don't respect me. im gone  
(6:36) u had my heart.. what more could u have possibly needed

(6:37) nudes

(6:37) terrible

 

\---

 

(2:02) i just made 8 batches of cookies  
(2:03) not even by accident  
(2:03) i made the active decision to make enough dough for 8 batches  
(2:03) why did i do this mattsun  
(2:04) they're good tho  
(2:15) i ate 3 n a half batches and now i'm going to bed

 

\---

 

(10:08) don't forget to bring mine and takaya's cookies today  
(10:08) should we meet up at home bargains and buy the equipment first though?

(10:20) would kuroo be suspicious tho

(10:23) I think Tsukino will be manning the register

(10:24) i'm holding u to that

(10:24) aw babe you're holding me?  
(10:25) cradling me in your arms?  
(10:25) you're my lil cup

(10:26) i'll cup ya  
(10:26) hand  
(10:27) lmao bitch u thought

(10:28) don't play my feelings like that Makki  
(10:28) I'm waitin for the day we can sext without the constrains of time limiting when we can do so

(10:29) we can sext after we've hit up home bargains

(10:30) we can sext whilst we're in Home Bargains

(10:30) now there's an idea

 

\---

 

(10:56) where u at ho i'm waiting for you  
(10:56) what are u wearing?

(10:58) Makki, babe, we're in public... How risqué  
(10:58) I was just joking about sexting in Home Bargains...

(10:59) nvm i see u

(10:59) stop flipping me off

(11:00) why dont u try n stop me ;)  
(11:03) pleae releae me fronn this headloch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry for such delayed updates... i apologise..... college has been taking up a lot of my time  
> i do have intentions to get this finished tho!! so thank you for sticking with this shit fic, and thank you so much for all the kudos/comments/bookmarks !!! they make me so happy and really encourage me to keep writing


	12. Chapter 12

Trusting the assumption that Tsukishima is the one on till today, Makki and Mattsun stride straight towards the celebrations and festivities section. Both boys know the store like the back of their hand, so finding their desired products bares no difficulty, however the two take deep caution in regards to the colour of both the glitter and balloon.

With a frown, Matsukawa diverts his attention from the products to his phone, sending a message to the group chat regarding the colours of Kuroo's clothes. As they wait, Hanamaki proposes suggestions as to which colours they should avoid merely based off the colour of his uniform, as "red glitter won't ruin red shirts. He needs to look like a fool, Mattsun, a complete and utter fool."

One of the tubs which they decide is a must to be in the balloon is green. Neither can imagine Kuroo wearing anything that colour and so thereby rule it one which he avoids, meaning it's a must to get all over his clothes. Kenma confirms Kuroo tends to wear black and red, as for other colours he's never really noticed. After sending their thanks to the chat, Makki and Mattsun carefully select the glitter that they place into their basket. A colour they deem as necessary is blue, followed shortly by their more uncertain decision of silver. The final glitter pot they choose is pink.

"Which colour balloon do you think we should use?" Hanamaki asks as he scans the deflated rubber. By Makki's side, Matsukawa considers his options before pointing towards one of the red ones. Hanamaki nods in agreement, "should we buy a pump, too?"

"Yeah, let's splash out."

"I didn't know you were so wild, Mattsun."

Glancing up from the items, Matsukawa grins and retorts, "only around you, Makki." Hanamaki's face doesn't betray the flutter of his heart, but he announces the quick pounding in a monotonous tone which makes Matsukawa laugh.

A wave of gratitude washes over both boys as they approach Tsukishima at the till. It appears the same emotion doesn't apply to the cashier, for he greets the two with a displeased expression. Tsukishima makes no attempt of conversation as he scans the glitter and balloons, only speaking when he informs the two of the charge.

Bummed that Tsukishima doesn't care for the plot, Hanamaki hands over the money while Matsukawa bags the glitter. The two loiter for a moment before Hanamaki just asks, "are you really not interested in why we're buying this?"

"I have a feeling I'll see for myself soon enough."

Neither Matsukawa nor Hanamaki have a response to the statement. Defeated, the two pick up their glitter and tell Tsukishima they'll see him later, receiving an even more disgusted expression from him. Such a response causes Makki to grin as he leaves, Mattsun close behind him, and the pair head in the direction of Matsukawa's house.

 

\---

 

 **Group Chat: Kuroo Sucks** (5 people)  
Members: Yes We Kenma, It Me Boku, Tacky Hero, I Say, K Geez

 **Tacky Hero** : alright lads we got the main ingredients to this bad boy

 **K Geez** : When did you give us all nicknames?

 **Tacky Hero** : last night  
**Tacky Hero** : couldnt sleep

 **K Geez :** Okay.  
**K Geez** : Why did you give us all nicknames?

 **Tacky Hero** : couldnt sleep  
**Tacky Hero** : i was struck by inspiration  
**Tacky Hero** : also after the prank i want to add kuroo to this chat and show him how much fun we've had plotting this  
**Tacky Hero** : anymore questions? it's honesty hour in this chat rn

 **K Geez** : Just one more:  
**K Geez** : Why isn't Iwaizumi in the chat? I thought he was aware of your plan.

 **Tacky Hero** : iwaizumi would side with oikawa n oikawa is refusing to cooperate  
**Tacky Hero** : so rn neither of them r allowed too be involved  
**Tacky Hero** : but anyway that's honesty hour over hope i cleared things up a bit

 **I Say** : Kenma do you know when Kuroo's shift starts  
**I Say** : we're gonna need a photo of you me and Hanamaki

 **K Geez** : Kuroo starts his shift at two but leaves earlier.  
**K Geez** : Kenma's probably just about waking up right now, so I can go to him and bring him over?

 **I Say** : please do  
**I Say** : here's my address

 

\---

 

(11:39) about that honesty hour  
(11:39) can you extend it for my question

(11:39) i am walking right next to u  
(11:40) but ok

(11:40) yea I saw that pointed look you gave me  
(11:40) anyway. What colour's your underwear ;)

(11:41) congrats mattsun u ruined the sanctity of honesty hour  
(11:41) neon pink

(11:41) wow  
(11:42) you ruined the sanctity of underwear

(11:42) shut that mouth

 

\---

 

Takaya almost leaps into Hanamaki's arms upon his arrival, giddily asking about the promised cookies. Not one to disappoint, Makki presents the tub filled with an array of cookies, which Takaya gratefully accepts. The boy hurries to the dining table before biting into one of the double chocolates, humming loudly as he praises Hanamaki's baking skills.

"Here," Hanamaki passes Matsukawa another tub, "I put less love in them, though."

"I am your customer, Hanamaki, how dare you disrespect me. I want to talk to your manager."

Before Makki can respond with a dry protest, his phone rings, halting both him and Mattsun as they follow Takaya to the dining room. Noticing the caller ID, Hanamaki comments, "looks like you can talk to my manager now, actually."

After glancing at who's calling, Matsukawa takes Hanamaki's phone and answers, "hello? I'd like to file a complaint regarding one of your staff."

On the other end, Iwaizumi sighs and grumbles something about how such a statement isn't typically used when answering a phone. Entering the conversation, Hanamaki asks, "you don't want to hear the complaint? I'm not fired?"

"I do want to hear it, actually."

Hanamaki cusses as Matsukawa informs Iwaizumi of his hurt feelings, "I expected you to raise your son with more kindness, you know. Especially when you hired him as your employee. I'm disappointed, Iwaizumi."

At the mention of being Iwaizumi's son, Hanamaki perks up and asks if Iwaizumi's calling because of Oikawa.

"Yeah, I am. He's been pestering me about you two, so I need to know how your revenge plot is going."

"Why should we trust you?" Hanamaki hums, taking a seat on the chair opposite Takaya. Matsukawa takes a seat by his brother, opening his own tub he had received. Noticing this, Makki leans over and takes two cookies from him, prompting Mattsun to mention the feast Hanamaki had texted him about last night.

"I'm not asking for what it is, stupid. I just need to know when you two are going to stop being so hung over it and move on with your lives. Have you at least got a plan?"

"You'll find out soon enough, Iwa-chan."

"Don't."

"Fine, I won't. But only because I'm busy. Also, tell Oikawa I said some things which aren't suitable for children's ears."

On the other side of the call, Iwaizumi sighs. Before he hangs up, he requests that Hanamaki at least tells him when the two are putting the plan into action, to which Hanamaki agrees to do. Returning his attention to the Matsukawa siblings, Hanamaki smiles softly at Takaya's praise for his baking.

"You have to start a bakery! You have to!" The child commands, prompting Hanamaki to nod very seriously and promise he will. One already preoccupied with the cookie it's holding, Takaya thrusts forward an empty hand with his pinky held out, which Hanamaki links with his own. Matsukawa snorts from the sidelines.

"Are you deriving humour from our very serious and very important promise regarding my future career, Issei?"

Shaking his head, Matsukawa answers, "of course not, Hanamaki. I respect your choice of how you intend to support the family. What I do find somewhat humorous, though, is the fact that I've seen your loose hold with your pinky, and suddenly your failures in arm wrestling make a lot more sense."

Hanamaki inhales sharply at the sudden mention of his arm wrestling, surprised that Matsukawa would take a stab at him without any build up. Before he can make any sort of retort, Takaya gently tugs on Makki's finger, regaining his attention.

"You also have to promise to hire me to work in your bakery!" Takaya adds as he tightens their linked fingers, prompting Hanamaki to nod.

"People who make fun of my most delicate weakness do not get to enter my bakery, let alone work there."

Matsukawa clutches his chest in mock-heartbreak, exaggerating a frown to show how Hanamaki's dismissal has hurt him. Takaya stifles a laugh as he watches his brother's performance whereas Hanamaki's face shows no reaction until finally both teens simultaneously snicker.

"Guess I'll just give my money and support to other bakeries, then," Matsukawa retorts with a smile, prompting Hanamaki to gasp softly. Leaning over, Hanamaki covers Takaya's ears before he hisses:

"Issei, you hussy! Do my feelings mean nothing to you?"

Placing his own hands atop of Hanamaki's, Matsukawa whispers back, "Let's not fight in front of the kids, babe, especially when we're having guests over soon. We can talk about it in the car, alright?"

Before Hanamaki can give his response, the moment is interrupted by the sound of someone knocking on the door. Instead of continuing their banter, Hanamaki lifts his hands from Takaya's ears as he comments on how it's probably Akaashi and Kenma. Both Matsukawa and Hanamaki go to greet them and invite the pair inside.

As Matsukawa gathers the equipment the group will need, Hanamaki leads Akaashi and Kenma to the room which he and Mattsun had just left. Takaya makes a shy introduction before picking up his cookies and slinking away to his bedroom. As the younger Mattsun makes his leave, Hanamaki quickly promises to play with him once they're back from Kuroo's, a promise which prompts a small smile and a nod from the child.

Within moments, Matsukawa has set up the printer and found an image of a quote which will then be inserted into the balloon. Kenma agrees to be in a photo with Hanamaki and Matsukawa, although his face isn't quite as smug as theirs in the picture Akaashi takes for them.

"How do we get these, the glitter, and air into the balloon then?" Akaashi asks as he picks up the photo and quote that had been printed off and cut out, "I'm also curious as to how you're going to get the balloon in the wardrobe, too."

"We'll burn that bridge when we get to it, Akaashi."

Akaashi takes a moment to process Hanamaki's response, momentarily deciphering the mixture of idioms. After a pause he drily responds, "How reassuring."

 

\---

 

After arranging for Takaya to stay at a friend's house so that he's not home alone, the four teens venture to Kuroo's home. Kenma is welcomed kindly by Kuroo's mother, who chuckles softly as she listens to the reason for the four visiting when her son isn't present.

"I'm glad you're making the most of your youthful summer," She says with the same lazy smile as her son, "I like the prank, too, although I can't say I'm too enthusiastic for having to clean it all up."

"Please make sure Kuroo does his own laundry and is the one to clean it up," Hanamaki requests, "It's a part of the prank. A punishment prank. He tried to prank us first, after all."

Kuroo's mother nods understandingly before permitting the boys to go ahead. Once in the target's bedroom, Matsukawa and Hanamaki pull out their utensils. After stretching out the balloon and mentally sizing Kuroo's wardrobe, the duo roll the printed images up together tightly and slip it in before funnelling a colourful mix of glitter into the balloon and pumping it with air. As the weapon inflates to a bigger and bigger size, all four teenagers grow tense at the fear it may pop at any moment. Thankfully, the balloon manages to withstand the necessary size for it to be wedged between the wall of the wardrobe and the clothes hung inside.

"Won't the glitter just cover the clothes the balloon is pressed against?" Akaashi asks as he observes the wardrobe. Both Matsukawa and Hanamaki shrug in response.

"We're not gonna lie to you, Akaashi," Hanamaki says, "Takaya was the one who came up with this idea. We never bothered to think if the physics checks out, seeing as the prank, in theory, is genius."

Nodding, Matsukawa adds, "but just for good measure, we'll do this." Once finishing this sentence, Matsukawa throws the remaining glitter over the clothes, prompting a snort from Hanamaki. Kenma and Akaashi, although both appearing to be amused, point out how this defeats the purpose of the prank, to which the other pair respond with a shrug.

"At least we did something to get back at him."

"With this, we're now free. Otherwise, Makki and I would've been stuck trying to get revenge, and Kuroo would've won."

Before the two's conversation can spiral, Akaashi interjects with a statement regarding how they should all leave now. Nodding in agreement, Matsukawa announces that Hanamaki will treat them all for something to eat for cooperating.

"I'll pay for everyone without a 'tsu' in his surname."

"Fine, but you can be the one to tell our sweet cashier Tsukishima that, should he want to join us, he'll be unjustly discriminated against."

 

\---

 

 **Group Chat :** Kuroo Sucks (5 people)

 **I Say** changed **Tacky Hero** 's name to **Makkimore**.

 **Makkimore** : clever

 **I Say** : thanks  
**I Say** : will you pay for my food now

 **Makkimore** : no but i'll get u a drink

 **I Say** : is that a euphemism ;)

 **Makkimore** : are u misinterpreting my kindness as curiosity as whether there were any circumstances in which there was a chance of ur sucking me off ?? mattsun u hussy! audacious minx! u know if u werent sat next to me i wouldnt be able to BELIEVE u rn

 **K Geez** : What's him being in front of you got to do with anything?

 **Makkimore** : well u see akaashi for a brief moment there i just i couldn't believe him  
**Makkimore** : but then i saw his face

 **I Say** : bad

 **Makkimore** : stop flirting with me

 

\---

Once Akaashi and Kenma part from the group, Matsukawa and Hanamaki wander around for a while until settling on a bench they find.

"How do you think he'll react?" Matsukawa inquires, but before Hanamaki can take a moment to consider an answer Matsukawa, as if in sudden realisation, adds, "Do you think he'll retaliate?"

Shaking his head, Hanamaki answers, "I think he'll be miffed at most, then get over it. He might be busy confronting his friends about how quick they are to betray him."

Matsukawa laughs softly, mentioning how they need to add Kuroo to the group chat as soon as he's popped the balloon.

"Since we slipped that photo and quote in there, I'm sure he'll immediately cry to Kenma about the betrayal."

"That was a very nice touch, by the way. Kudos to you on that. The quote really packed a punch, especially with the revelation via image that Kenma was involved."

With a whimsical sigh, Hanamaki recites the quote they had used in the image: "That's the thing about betrayal, it never comes from your enemies. It comes from the ones you thought you could trust." He snorts a laugh at the image of Kuroo reading such a quote whilst seeing his clothes covered in glitter. Returning his attention to Matsukawa, Hanamaki says, "We make a good team."

"My Karasuno boys and I make a better one, though."

"How dare you. I'm doing my best to win your heart through stellar pickup lines and casual flirting and this is how you respond? Fine. You'll regret losing this guy for the rest of your life, though."

"But if you lose me, then you lose Takaya as well, and you've already promised to hire him in your bakery. Or was that a lie, Makki? Are you a liar? Should I have obeyed the teachings of stranger danger and ignored your texts when I had the chance, rather than naively humour you with a response- humour _you_ , a despicable liar, whereas I was and am nothing but a humble man making an honest living?"

His hand over his heart, Hanamaki responds, his tone entirely serious whilst also clearly in jest, "I may have told a fair few falsehoods within this life, but not once have I have actively attempted to deceive either you or your brother. I was honest in hiring him, and I was honest in loving you, Mattsun."

Mimicking Hanamaki's hand placement, Matsukawa smiles softly as he responds, "It's a shame I'll never love someone who isn't the best arm wrestler around."

Hanamaki maintains his deadpan tone and expression whilst responding, "Ah, my feelings."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i bet a history boy's reference was the LAST thing u expected in this fic... but its there (the drink euphemism bit lol)
> 
> its 1:20am and im in class for half 8 so u BET i havent read this over properly and im so sorry if theres any mistakes i will definitely fix any i find asap


	13. Chapter 13

After spending a fair few minutes bantering back and forth, the pair eventually decide on returning to Matsukawa's house.

"How long do you suppose it'll take for Kuroo to confront us?" Hanamaki asks as he scrolls through take-out choices on his phone. Takaya is sat beside him, eager for fast food.

"Kenma said they're going out tonight, so it'll be pretty immediate. Pick a burger place."

For the slightest second, Hanamaki failed to recognise the sentences as entirely separate, and almost narrowed his eyes at Matsukawa to display his confusion. "Oh," he finally says upon realising that Matsukawa isn't asking him to choose a restaurant for Kuroo, "Takaya, are burgers good with you?"

Takaya nods, concluding the search for a takeout place as Hanamaki selects his favourite and most trusted burger joint, believing the Matsukawa brothers will simply trust his burger expertise.

"What movie do you want on?" Matsukawa asks as Hanamaki receives an order confirmation email, "I got Takaya to watch Space Jam recently and he's quite the fan."

"I've never seen it, actually," Hanamaki confesses with a slight shrug, "I know the song, but I could never find the movie."

"You up for being enlightened, then?"

"I'm always down for you to rock my world."

With a wink, Matsukawa flicks through his movies until finding the one they'd sought. Running commentary occurs as the boys watch the film, although its just quiet and casual remarks such as Hanamaki saying he hadn't known Matsukawa's home planet was featured in the film upon the sight of Moron Mountain.

Their food arrives halfway through the movie. Whilst Matsukawa is the one to get the door, Hanamaki's phone pings in his pocket, and he pulls it out to find a text from Oikawa.

(4:01) **Are you done with your revenge nonsense now then?**  
(4:01) **Are you going to ask him out now?**

(4:02) r u going to confess ur big gay feelings for iwaizumi  
(4:02) cant txt tho we're watching a film rn

(4:02) **Makki >:(**

(4:02) let me know when u do tho xoxo

Despite having eaten before with Akaashi and Kenma, Hanamaki and Matsukawa hadn't found themselves full, hence their decision for takeout. They resume the film as they dig into their food.

Towards the end of the film, it becomes apparent that the three are in for a movie day, as Takaya insists on watching another movie after this one. With nothing else to do other than wait for Kuroo to fall into their trap, Hanamaki and Matsukawa allowed Takaya to select whatever he wanted.

"Are you crying?" Matsukawa asks as How to Train Your Dragon reaches its climax scene, and Hanamaki only sniffs in response.

"It's a sad movie, Mattsun." Matsukawa only laughs, which Hanamaki knows he would've too if the one crying had been Oikawa. Perhaps it's due to the sight of Hanamaki, but Takaya starts to weep as well, prompting Matsukawa to open up his arms and invite the two crying boys in for a hug. Takaya's quick to crawl into it, whereas Hanamaki simply shuffles closer so that Matsukawa's arm is around him.

The movie finishes, along with Hanamaki's tears, and Takaya had at some point fallen asleep at Issei's side. Rather than start another film, Matsukawa gently scoops his brother up and carries him to his bedroom, Hanamaki trailing behind.

After Matsukawa closes Takaya's door behind him, Hanamaki yawns before he whispers, "a nap sounds like a good idea, actually."

A lazy smirk tugs on the edge of Matsukawa's mouth, "all that crying tire you out, baby?"

"Pet names? How bold. What should I call you? Darling, dear, my love? Or more simply... mine?"

"I was calling you a baby. As in, insulting you." Hanamaki sticks his tongue out, his expression deadpan. "I'm pretty sure we've established a pet name for you is strawbaerry, anyway."

"Did you remember because it's me, or is your memory just impeccable?"

"You've never once left my mind, my love. Not since our night together on the ides of March."

While they talked, the pair had moved from outside Takaya's bedroom to dumping the takeout rubbish into a bin. Hanamaki hums, "our recreation of the stabbing of Caesar?"

Matsukawa throws away the soft drink cans as he says, "no, afterwards."

"Ah. The sex."

Despite his attempt to feign hurt at Hanamaki's indifferent tone, Matsukawa can't help the small smile tugging on his lips. Walking together back into the living room, Matsukawa opens up the group chat to send a quick inquiry as to what time Kuroo's shift actually ends. As he does this, Hanamaki decides to check his own phone and is both parts delighted and surprised by the text on his screen.

(4:10) **Alright, how about we strike a deal, then?**

(5:49) elaborate?

(5:50) **You define your relationship with Mattsun, and I'll talk with Iwa-chan.**

(5:50) thats vague. what will u talk about, exactly?

(5:51) **Do we have a deal or not? >:/**

(5:51) i'll get back to u

(5:51) **You better!!**

The two boys sat together on the couch, something Hanamaki only registers when he tucks his phone away.

"Wanna continue the How to Train Your Dragon series, or would you cry again?"

"You're acting as if you yourself have never cried over the movie." Hanamaki wags his finger. "I'm confident that everyone has. It's very moving."

"Is that a yes?"

"No, I'll cry, and you'll laugh at me, you villain. I can't allow myself to be caught by you in such a vulnerable state again."

Matsukawa chuckles softly, "I'll laugh at you anyway. When you win an arm wrestling match against Iwaizumi, then I'll stop."

Pursing his lips, Hanamaki stares at Matsukawa in silence. "Put your claws away, Mattsun," he eventually says before turning away, curling up against the armrest next to him. There's a slight pause before Matsukawa presses his side, prompting Hanamaki to press himself further into the side of the couch.

"C'mon, I met you because of such an inadequacy. It's only natural I taunt you over it." Matsukawa scoots closer in order to poke Hanamaki again.

"Maybe when I beat him, I'll un-meet you." Hanamaki retorts as he makes a grab for Matsukawa's hand. A second too slow, he misses and receives a poke from Matsukawa's left.

"You losing on purpose because you don't want to risk it? That's sweet."

Now turned to face Matsukawa, Hanamaki succeeds in seizing the quick hand that tries to prod him. Rather than pull it free, Matsukawa simply leans forward so that he's laying on Hanamaki. With a defeated sigh, Hanamaki retorts, "I'm losing because you give lousy arm wrestling advice. Did you think about that?"

"Your external locus of control is both disappointing and upsetting, Makki. Is that the same attitude you have when playing volleyball? If so, I can't imagine it sits too well with the rest of your team."

"Yet they're so forgiving of our cross-team love affair. Romeo and Juliet whom?"

"If they're accepting, we're not comparable to Romeo and Juliet. Naruto and Sasuke, mayhaps?"

"Mayhaps, indeed, Mattsun." Hanamaki bites his tongue to refrain himself from making a comment about the number of times Sasuke and Naruto have kissed; partly so he doesn't appear as an avid fan, but mostly out of fear of possible conversation paths such a comment could create. "Are you trying to distract me from your insensitive statement by mentioning my gay icons? For shame."

  
The arms wrapped around Hanamaki's middle squeeze slightly as Matsukawa pokes him and says, "I'm sorry, should I make like Naruto and believe in you?"

"You will never be him."

Another squeeze, except this one lasts a lot longer than the previous. Matsukawa presses himself harder into Hanamaki's chest whilst delivering the crushing hug, grinning, "I still take your breath away, though."

Hanamaki pinches Matsukawa's cheeks as he exhales, "asshole."

 

\---

 

It's around half eight when the two finally hear from Kuroo. Matsukawa receives an image of glitter grenade's aftermath, immediately followed by a text. He reads it aloud to Hanamaki, who merely laughs at Kuroo's despair over Kenma's participation.

After sending a video that consists of a slow close-up of Hanamaki's smug grin, Kuroo responds inquiring what shenanigans they'll be up to now that their revenge plot is over.

"He wants to know our sheplanigans?" Hanamaki asks, earning a snort from Matsukawa, "I'm going to see him everyday until he's not glittery anymore."

"As in, you'll go back to how you were at the start of summer by going to Home Bargains and buying all their snacks?"

"I will, but I'm also thinking home visits. He seems like a man in possession of the classic frolf game, and I want to beat him in the comfort of his own home."

A smirk lifts the corner of Matsukawa's mouth as he calls Hanamaki heinous and wicked, but he's typing out this arrangement to Kuroo anyway. As Matsukawa texts, Hanamaki's attention is stolen by Takaya, who shows off a drawing he'd been working on for the past half hour. Once again, Matsukawa reads Kuroo's response out to Hanamaki ("Kuroo insists he's a frog golf champ, Makki, and he's honoured that you recognised that in him.") and Hanamaki laughs as he and Takaya take the drawing to the fridge.

Touched by the portrait that featured Takaya's mother, Issei, and him, Hanamaki snaps a photo of it to send to his sister, along with the text: _lol i've got a new family now peace out binch_

Almost immediately, he gets the reply: _u grounded, ho!!_

"Mum likes you," Takaya says from Hanamaki's side, "I do, too. Issei's really happy when you're around. It's nice."

The unintentional pressure accompanies that of Oikawa's demands to at least attempt to instigate a romantic relationship with Matsukawa, prompting Hanamaki to chew his lower lip. He wonders to himself whether now is a good time to just go for it. The inkling of anxiety remains, however, clinging to the impulse in an attempt to keep it in check.

Before Hanamaki can confess that the happiness is mutual, Matsukawa's voice calls, "Kuroo said we can go to his place tomorrow! Well, he followed that up with 'or whenever' but the sooner the glitterier, right?"

"You'll need to send me his address again, then!" Hanamaki responds, and he smiles at Takaya as he gestures to return to Matsukawa. The pair patter into the room only to find Matsukawa staring lazily at Hanamaki.

"You can just stay over, if you want."

"Let me text Haruka and get her to send a bag over."

At the expense of a favor owed, Haruka is compliant and promises to deliver a bag of clothes and a toothbrush to Matsukawa's house. She also comments on how Hanamaki should start paying rent to Ms Matsukawa given how often he's in that house, to which he leaves with read receipts on.

Matsukawa is the one to open the door and greet Haruka, who greets him with warmth and enthusiasm. With Takaya lurking shyly behind him, Hanamaki interrupts his sister's and Matsukawa's banter as he retrieves the backpack in her hands.

"Still hung up on our love affair? It's nothing personal, Takahiro, I'm just in love with your boyfriend."

"He is my husband, Haruka, and I'll thank you not to steal him from me. You're just jealous that I married before you did, aren't you? Fret not, dear sister, I won't go all Olivia Bennet on you."

Amusement is present in Matsukawa's voice as he corrects Hanamaki, "Lydia Bennet."

"Can it, Darcy."

Haruka grins at this comment, casting her mind back to all those comments her brother had made when the two watched the Pride and Prejudice series together. Recognising her intention to tease, Hanamaki quickly diverts the subject and thanks her for making the delivery. Although she seems to have lost the opportunity to jest, Haruka's smile remains, softening slightly when she finally notices Takaya.

"Oh! Hello!" she says, crouching in order to make eye contact with the boy, "I'm Haruka, Takahiro's older sister! You're Takaya, right? It's a pleasure to meet you!"

"She's jealous she wasn't in the family portrait he drew," Hanamaki stage-whispers to Matsukawa, "I bet she's trying to get on his good side so that he'll add her in."

Rather than retort, Haruka just casts her brother a knowing grin, every part as cheeky and smug as his comment had been. It's enough to arouse suspicion in Hanamaki as he watches his sister stand up straight. She bids the boys farewell and, with a wink to her brother, she leaves.

"I'm your Darcy, huh?" Matsukawa inquires after he closes the front door, "Is that a reference to my impeccable looks, or is it my mysterious personality?"

Hanamaki ushers Takaya into the living room before whispering, "you're a Darsehole."

"Oh, Miss Elizabeth. It is your sharp wit and intellect that has lead to this ardent love and admiration of mine."

"I'm afraid your struggle is as vain as you are, Mr Darcy," Hanamaki quips, "and I'm not quite a fan."

The lazy grin that prompts warmth in Hanamaki's stomach spreads across Matsukawa's face and he winks, "you'll marry me anyway."

Hanamaki feels they're toeing the line of flirting, but he's also convinced that no one would ever flirt in such a manner. Fretful he won't be able to maintain his composure under Matsukawa's gaze, Hanamaki shakes his backpack and announces he's putting it in Matsukawa's room. He takes the stairs two at a time while Issei joins his younger brother.

Remembering his sister's amusement and wink, Hanamaki quickly peeks inside of the bag in case she put in anything ignominious. He's initially relieved to find a plain orange shirt and grey sweats, but that relief washes away quickly when he finds that, other than some underwear, he has no clothes for tomorrow. In place of these requested items is a yellow sticky note, the handwriting bubbly.

_Looks like you'll have to borrow some of Mattsun's clothes after all, seeing as your older sister respects your privacy too much to root around your drawers ;)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing is hard. i hope you're all still enjoying this, and i'm thankful for each and every comment, kudos, and bookmark this fic receives!! they're honestly so kind and helpful in helping me keep going with this mess.
> 
> why do i only ever update this when im so tired with college in the morning ?? i'm a mess !! but i make myself laugh so i guess its fine ('sheplanigans' and 'darsehole' made me giggle a lot - i was torn between writing it as 'darcehole' but whatever i guess)


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> they finally dtr, meaning this fic is finally finished

Pushing the issue of clothing aside for tomorrow, Hanamaki returns to the brothers, who seem to be in the middle of a debate.

"Hiro!" Takaya huffs as soon as Hanamaki enters the room, "Issei is wrong, ignore him!"

"What's he wrong about?"

Folding his arms across his chest, Takaya pouts, "Issei said Harry Potter is a better wizard than Howl.

Immediately, Hanamaki turns his gaze from Takaya to Matsukawa and quotes, "you must not tell lies, Issei."

"By referencing Harry Potter I feel that you're siding with me, however that quote specifically does not support such a notion. Final verdict?"

"Harry Potter didn't have a flying castle. I'm with Takaya on this."

Matsukawa feigned hurt at Hanamaki's decision to side against him. He gasped, "He defeated Voldemort. What did Howl do?"

In truth, Hanamaki was on Takaya's side mostly for jokes and to add the spice of rivalry to his relationship with Matsukawa. He hadn't seen Howl's Moving Castle in a long time, much less remembered what actually happened in regards to the plot, so defending Howl's honour in lieu of Takaya will be hard. Ever the tactical thinker, he responds, "Harry Potter was killed by Voldemort. He went as a sacrifice, it was only by luck that he survived and defeated him."

"Howl died at some point too."

Under his breath, Hanamaki apologises to Takaya as he pulls his trump card: "Howl was handsome."

"Such an impure reason," Matsukawa shakes his head, "But, I can admit defeat. It's two against one, even if one of you is biased towards well-drawn characters."

Punching both fists into the air, Takaya lets out a giddy cheer, hastily opening his fists in order to meet Hanamaki's high fives. A lazy grin tugs at the corners of Hanamaki's lips as he jeers, "Say what you will, Issei, this was another win for Team Taka."

"And your victory prize is an early night," Matsukawa countered, evoking a gasp that was followed by a whine from Takaya.

"What's with the debate, anyway?" Hanamaki asks, only to receive a shrug in response.

"Takaya said he wanted to watch a wizard movie. I guessed Harry Potter, he schooled me on the wizard hierarchy." Matsukawa pursed his lips slightly as he thought. "It doesn't really matter, anyway. We've misplaced both Howl's Moving Castle and the Harry Potter series."

Hearing this, Takaya whines and juts out his lower lip. Hanamaki places a hand on his head and strokes his hair. There's amusement in his voice as he prompts, "Misplaced?"

Takaya's pouting ceases immediately as he looks up at Hanamaki, sharing his family preaching, "Mum says we should never say we've lost something, because we've just misplaced it. We always find it in the end."

"Your mother is a very smart lady, then."

Takaya agrees enthusiastically, nodding his head so vigorously Hanamaki worries it'll pop off. At Matsukawa's insistence that he go to bed, as well as a bit of bribery that Matsukawa and Hanamaki will search for Howl's Moving Castle while he's asleep, Takaya goes to his bedroom, cheerfully wishing his brother and Hanamaki goodnight. He also puts in a request for Hanamaki to make pancakes in the morning.

Once they hear the door shut, Matsukawa gives Hanamaki a pointed look. Hanamaki returns it with an innocent smile.

Matsukawa rolls his eyes, amused and not entirely exasperated, and says, "I know you want to make fun of me. Takaya's not here, please, the floor is yours."

"Me? Make fun of you? Never," Hanamaki grins, snickering to himself as he continues, "Have you misplaced your mind?"

Although he shakes his head, a small unravels across Matsukawa's face. "You know, you were on the winning team. You get an early night, too."

"Oh? Are you misplacing your patience?"

"I might end up misplacing my temper."

"Don't worry, you won't misplace our friendship."

"It'd break my heart if I misplaced you."

The two are sniggering, believing themselves and each other to be hilarious. Hanamaki wonders if Oikawa would be proud of him for this strange take on flirting. That's what Hanamaki decides to class this, at least; the world's weirdest yet arguably quite romantic attempt at flirting.

Then again, he hadn't classed their conversation post-Haruka to be flirting, and that had involved Pride and Prejudice characters, making the conversation potentially flirtatious by the presence of Mr Darcy alone.

 

\---

 

With a ghost hunting television show having a marathon special, Matsukawa and Hanamaki settled together onto the couch. As Zak leads his team into an allegedly haunted house, Hanamaki eyes struggle to stay open and he slumps against Matsukawa.

"Can't hack it?" Matsukawa asks, his voice riddled with amusement.

Turning his head into Matsukawa's side, Hanamaki grumbles, "I'm scared, Mattsun, I need you to wrap your big, beefy arms around me and tell me I'll be okay."

"Is this you admitting you're short stature?"

"Fuck you."

A grin rolls across Matsukawa's features, satisfied with his quip as well as Hanamaki's response. He complies to Hanamaki's sarcastic request, putting an arm around his shoulder and pulling Hanamaki closer. At the contact, Hanamaki presses his head further against Matsukawa's neck, murmuring all the while. A hint of humour in his voice, Matsukawa informs Hanamaki that he has no idea what he's trying to say, to which Hanamaki sighs in response.

Matsukawa breaths out a laugh, "Eloquent."

"See, this is why I prefer Takaya to you."

"That's so rude, Makki," Matsukawa retorts, his voice too deep yet still reminding Hanamaki of Oikawa, "I can tell you're lying, though. Or do you kiss every boy you want to befriend the brother of?"

The acknowledgement of their kisses makes Hanamaki's heart stutter. "Of course. I only kiss the ugly ones once, though."

"And the handsome ones twice?"

Hanamaki purses his lips, mentally debating with himself before deciding to make Oikawa proud and flirt without mocking nor referencing classic fiction characters. Lifting his gaze to meet Matsukawa's, he allows his lips to curl into a grin and says, "I only kiss a man a second time if I want to date him."

If it wasn't for the warmth in Matsukawa's eyes, Hanamaki's heart might've burst then and there. But he's somewhat confident that his feelings are reciprocated, since Matsukawa brought the kisses up first. Matsukawa's eyes reflect all affection Hanamaki knows is in his own, and the sincerest of smiles stood in place of the smirk Hanamaki is familiar with.

"And here I thought you were just promiscuous," even his voice is full of fondness, "Shall we seal the deal and make it thrice?"

Excitement infiltrates Hanamaki's bloodstream; he feels it sink into his bones as his grin widens into one of pure joy and he chokes on whatever witty response he had, opting instead to answer, "Yes."

When Matsukawa cups Hanamaki's face, he laughs and squishes Hanamaki's cheeks together, reminding him how they couldn't kiss if he kept smiling. Complying, Hanamaki schools his expression back into that of neutrality, only for another smile to break out once Matsukawa's lips met his own. He could feel Matsukawa's smile, too.

 

\---

 

(1:02) btw I expect to get my hoodie back  
(1:03) I get and appreciate that we're boyfriends now, but I'm a man of few hoodies and you made off with my favourite one

(1:08) too late im ur boyfriend n one of us has to be a hoodie gremlin  
(1:08) im a hoodie hoarder  
(1:09) first i steal ur hoodies. then ur shirts. then ur pants ;) n then ur heart

(1:28) well you've already disrupted that order babe

(1:30) that is a false accusation i can assure u i am very much committed to my hierarchy of theft  
(1:30) i haven't stolen ur heart  
(1:31) maybe u've... misplaced it

(1:34) wow  
(1:35) you must devote a lot of your spare time perfecting your comedy

(1:35) of course

(1:36) no wonder you misplace all your volleyball matches

(1:36) blocked  
(1:37) u were more romantic when we didnt know each other  
(1:37) u claim we're boyfriends yet u insult me so?

(1:38) at least I didn't remind you of your arm wrestling career  
(1:38) I'm supportive like that

(1:40) ur notportive

(1:40) ur sexy

(1:40) ur gay

(1:41) WE'RE gay

(1:42) u got that rite

 

\---

 

(10:51) hello my beautiful boy  
(10:51) are u busy this fine morning

(10:53) I always have time for you babe

(10:54) well make time for me iwaizumi and oikawa

(10:54) is today the day I ask them for your hand?

(10:59) yes  
(10:59) we meet outside maccies. stay sexy

(11:00) I'll try

(11:00) if u wear the shreklace i bought u yesterday  
(11:01) u'll succeed

(11:01) are you going to wear yours?

(11:01) oh sweet mattsun  
(11:02) i havent taken it off since we bought them

(11:03) grot

(11:03) thot

(11:04) should i head over now?

(11:04) ye

\---

 

  
(5:08) do you think Oikawa thinks we're pranking him?

(5:09) he'll believe its all an elaborate ruse for a while  
(5:09) but the boy's not called a genius setter for nothing. he'll clock eventually

(5:10) do you think our blossoming romance will inspire him to ask out Iwaizumi?

(5:12) our love will most definitely galvanize him into action  
(5:12) if he insists on being stubborn we can glitter bomb him

(5:15) who's to stop us glitter bombing him anyway tho  


(5:16) iwaizumi  
(5:16) potentially

(5:17) right, forgot you can't take him in a fight  
(5:18) even with his small stature, your noodle arms just can't win

(5:20) ok lovin the dig at iwaizumi's height  
(5:20) less fond of the animosity regarding my beefy boy arms

(5:24) I have a timetable of topics soz  
(5:25) I make fun of your inadequacies from 3-5 and then sexting at 9

(5:29) the sexting rule is pre-dating rule mattsun  
(5:30) friends sext within the confines of time. boyfriends, however,

(5:31) I'm taking a picture of my dick right now

(5:31) yum

(5:32) _Attached image._  
(5:32)  sike I wouldn't defile Naruto's birthday

(5:32) oh shit hbd Naruto

(5:32) Naruto if you're out there  
(5:33) I'd leave my bf for u

(5:33) im hurt but i understand  
(5:33) but anyway: where have u been hiding that naruto headband

(5:34) Makki  
(5:34) sweet, beautiful Makki  
(5:35) you've stolen my hoodie. took a shirt or two. I can forgive that. But I am absolutely drawing the line at my Naruto headband

(5:36) _Attached image._

(5:36) don't send me sad Sasuke to convey ur feelings

(5:37) _Attached image._  
(5:37) smad sasuke

(5:39) _Attached image._  
(5:39)  nangry Naruto

(5:39) :')  
(5:40) u get me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is honestly just one big shit post at this point and i'm sorry !! i'm writing original stories at the same time n honestly any joke i use in here has probably been used in those works too lmao  
> anyway. i think it's safe to say i'm finished with this fic now. hope you enjoyed! hope you're satisfied? i'm sorry if you're not. i've come a long way in writing since starting this fic, with my style now being too different to incorporate into this fic without changing it completely. maybe i'll fix it up one day. anyway, thank you for all the lovely comments! i doubt i would've gotten this far without them!
> 
> also im not putting smut in this fic but just kno 100% after matsuhana's first time at least one of them is gonna say "wow... can't believe i just misplaced my virginity"

**Author's Note:**

> alright so i'm kinda just rolling with this  
> it's weird and stupid but i hope you enjoyed it !!! feel free to talk to me @ [akaashikelji](http://akaashikelji.tumblr.com/) on tumblr


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